IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that going to a fitness centre regularly is unnecessary. Instead, they believe that combining occasional exercise (such as going for walks) with a balanced diet is enough to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In general, people have been doing so many things to stay fit in the long run. It is argued by
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 that choosing an
exercise
Use synonyms
 centre for their better
fitness
Use synonyms
 is not required;
however
Linking Words
, others opined that by taking proper meals with some traditional workout, individuals can make themselves more fit and healthy. I totally agree that taking good food with some common
exercise
Use synonyms
 sometimes is enough to stay healthy. The main advantage of taking a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 is sufficient vitamins
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 boost the human's immunity. People who have been taking proper healthy
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
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 organic foods like vegetables and fruits in their breakfast, lunch and
dinner
Punctuation problem
dinner,
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 have a great immune system, and it is widely believed that if a human's
diet
Use synonyms
 is proper, they will never face a serious illness like obesity.
For instance
Linking Words
, one human body needs 2000 calories a day, and taking just the required amount of energy from an organic meal
is preventing
Wrong verb form
prevents
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weight gain.
Thus
Linking Words
, the more balanced
Use synonyms
diet
Correct article usage
the diet
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, the better the internal systems.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Adding
Fix capitalization
adding
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 traditional
exercise
Use synonyms
 with
diet
Use synonyms
 to the daily routine
sometimes
Punctuation problem
, sometimes
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 at
home
Punctuation problem
home,
show examples
 is enough to stay
always
Rephrase
apply
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fit. A cardio
exercise
Use synonyms
 does not require any
fitness
Use synonyms
 machine to perform
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as walking and cycling. For individuals who are walking occasionally more than three kilometres, not only
they have
Correct word order
have they
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 increased their stamina but
also
Linking Words
 developed
good
Punctuation problem
good,
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 strong muscles.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India, parks have been developed by the government in each society for
fitness
Use synonyms
 and people are opting for parks for their running and walking after taking their meal
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they have developed good muscles and strength.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
fitness
Use synonyms
 centre is not the only place
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 doing common
work out
Use the right word
workouts
show examples
 at home has
more
Correct word choice
a greater
show examples
 effect on human health. In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
fitness
Use synonyms
 centres have so many tools which help to build muscles, taking proper meals with occasional
exercise
Use synonyms
 is enough to stay fit. In my opinion, gym centres are not the only option to stay fit
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not required.

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positive highlights
Strengths: You show a clear opinion and you give reasons. Your essay has a few good ideas and an example.
advice
Tip: Improve task response by weighing both sides and then clearly say your own view in the opening and closing sentences.
advice
Tip: Make ideas clearer with a strong topic sentence in each paragraph and connect ideas with simple words like 'also', 'and', 'but', 'so'.
advice
Tip: Use simple examples that fit the topic. The park example from India is fine but explain how it shows fitness work.
advice
Tip: Check grammar and word order. Use short, direct phrases to avoid errors.
strength
Clear stance on the topic
strength
Some examples used to back points
strength
Paragraphs are used with intro and conclusion
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