IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Developments in science and technology have caused environmental problems. Some people think that a simpler way of life will protect the environment, while others believe that science and technology can solve environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#developments #science #technology #people #life #environment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is hard to deny that a simpler lifestyle can reduce the consumption of all kinds of resources.
Such
 a fact leads some
people
generate
Add the particle
to generate
show examples
 the opinion that
this
way
 of
life
 will protect our environment.
However
, I firmly believe that the development of
science
 and
technology
 is the best
way
 to tackle the environmental challenge.
First
, most
people
 were used to enjoying the convenience and wealth which are all provided by modern
technology
. To be more specific, all the things
Correct your spelling
around
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 us like
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, facilities and
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
show examples
, are the results of
science
 and
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
. If we choose a simpler
way
 of
life
 which means keeping away from cutting-edge technologies, we would give up the high-level quality of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 and come back to an ancient lifestyle. In
this
way
, most
people
 have to
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their job and
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 a farmer to feed themselves.
In addition
, we are likely to
shopping
Wrong verb form
shop
show examples
 online nowadays, but in a simpler
way
, not only can we not use the internet at home, but we would find there are so few commodities we can buy in stores. Overall, the try that
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 give up their present
life
 is unfeasible and impossible. There is an opinion that considering the boom
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
global
Add an article
the global
show examples
 population, there will be not enough
Correct your spelling
resources
resource
resouces
Correct your spelling
resources
 for us to exploit
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our planet.
Such
 a fact dedicates that human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 should return back a simpler
way
 of
life
 and reduce the
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of resources including but not limited
water
Fix the infinitive
to water
show examples
, electricity and oil.
As a result
, we will get
a long term benefits
Correct the article-noun agreement
long term benefits
a long term benefit
show examples
 and
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 perspective in the future. But as the statement is examined meticulously, we can find that it is in fact
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lame since that with the
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of
technology
 and
science
, we recognise our earth deeply.
Thus
 scientists
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
find
Change the verb form
found
show examples
 many new resources like solar, wind power and so on which could provide power for our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 constantly. In conclusion, I think going back to an ancient lifestyle is unfeasible and impossible in the modern age. The most effective
way
 to overcome environmental problems is
keeping
Change the verb form
to keep
show examples
 developing
technology
 and
science
 step by step. It is true that many offenders will return to prison after being released as they find it difficult to come back to society. I firmly believe that it is a joint effort from both government and individual citizens that can overcome
this
 challenge. In conclusion, I maintain that financial situation and cultural background combined
cause
Add the particle
to cause
show examples
 the problem. From my perspective, effective policies and individual actions can tackle it to some extent.
Submitted by shantao2153 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: