Many people think that happiness relies on the responsibility of individuals; others think that it is affected by other factors. Discuss both views and state your opinion by using examples from your personal experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's world,
people
have strived to find the exact source of
happiness
because everyone believes that
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
living
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
efficient life
happiness
is to be needed. There is much debate over what
Correct your spelling
happens
happiness
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
relies on. Some
people
highlight that it relies on the responsibility of individuals,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
claim that it is influenced by other things
such
as
money
.
This
essay will discuss both
Correct your spelling
views
viwes
Correct your spelling
views
as well as why ı think seeking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
Correct your spelling
inside
insede
Correct your spelling
inside
of us is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
way to address
this
issue.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
show examples
people
say that the primary origin of
happiness
is
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
Correct article usage
the responsibities
show examples
responsibities
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of what
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
have. When
people
accomplish their objectives, leading to
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
feel more complicated, which in turn
resulting
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
in them
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
happiness
. To illustrate, when ı was preparing for
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
exam, ı had several goals to make
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. If ı make these aims, ı tend to feel
more happy
Replace the words
happier
show examples
compared to
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
ı had not made
because
Correct pronoun usage
them because
show examples
of
fulfilment
Add an article
the fulfilment
show examples
of my responsibilities.
Therefore
, everybody strongly states that the best way to
Correct your spelling
acquire
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
is achieving your objectives which are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your responsibility.
On the other hand
, others
determining
Wrong verb form
determine
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
most important source of being happy.
Thus
, they consider that
money
can
offers
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
more products which may increase the possibility of feeling happy.
However
, there are some problems which
money
can not overcome.
For example
,
one
Change preposition
for one
show examples
who is congenital paralysis, no matter how much
money
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
you have, the
stutiation
Correct your spelling
situation
could not be fixed.
Hence
,
money
isn't
such
a significant thing to be happy. I strongly believe that if a person wants to find what feeling happy relies on, one should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Add an article
a focus
the focus
show examples
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
on
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some abstract things
such
as religion. To
Correct your spelling
exemplify
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
, When ı feel blue, ı will go to the mosque and ı pray. It makes me
more happy
Replace the words
happier
show examples
since it helps to find my inner peace. So
people
need to find something
Correct your spelling
special
speacial
Correct your spelling
special
which is not concrete for them. In conclusion, finding
motherland
Correct article usage
the motherland
show examples
of
happiness
remains a controversial issue. Some
people
think it can be responsibilities or other factors
such
as
money
, yet in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
the key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
being happy is inside of
people
.
Submitted by merttufan197 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • individual responsibility
  • personal mindset
  • proactive steps
  • self-improvement
  • socio-economic status
  • relationships
  • environmental conditions
  • external factors
  • positive attitude
  • pursuit of happiness
  • facilitate
  • hamper
  • proactive engagement
  • sense of achievement
  • conducive environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: