Many people think that happiness relies on the responsibility of individuals; others think that it is affected by other factors. Discuss both views and state your opinion by using examples from your personal experience.

In today's world,
people
have strived to find the exact source of
happiness
because everyone believes that
as
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in
show examples
living
a
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apply
show examples
efficient life
happiness
is to be needed. There is much debate over what
Correct your spelling
happens
happiness
happines
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happiness
relies on. Some
people
highlight that it relies on the responsibility of individuals,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
claim that it is influenced by other things
such
as
money
.
This
essay will discuss both
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views
viwes
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views
as well as why ı think seeking
the
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apply
show examples
happiness
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inside
insede
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inside
of us is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
way to address
this
issue.
The most
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Most
show examples
people
say that the primary origin of
happiness
is
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responsibilities
Correct article usage
the responsibities
show examples
responsibities
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responsibility
of what
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
have. When
people
accomplish their objectives, leading to
them
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they
show examples
feel more complicated, which in turn
resulting
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results
show examples
in them
to
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apply
show examples
happiness
. To illustrate, when ı was preparing for
university
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the university
show examples
exam, ı had several goals to make
everyday
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every day
show examples
. If ı make these aims, ı tend to feel
more happy
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happier
show examples
compared to
time
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the time
show examples
which
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when
show examples
ı had not made
because
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them because
show examples
of
fulfilment
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the fulfilment
show examples
of my responsibilities.
Therefore
, everybody strongly states that the best way to
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acquire
aquire
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acquire
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
is achieving your objectives which are
in
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apply
show examples
your responsibility.
On the other hand
, others
determining
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determine
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
money
the
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as the
show examples
most important source of being happy.
Thus
, they consider that
money
can
offers
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offer
show examples
more products which may increase the possibility of feeling happy.
However
, there are some problems which
money
can not overcome.
For example
,
one
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for one
show examples
who is congenital paralysis, no matter how much
money
do
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apply
show examples
you have, the
stutiation
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situation
could not be fixed.
Hence
,
money
isn't
such
a significant thing to be happy. I strongly believe that if a person wants to find what feeling happy relies on, one should
be
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apply
show examples
Add an article
a focus
the focus
show examples
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
on
the
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apply
show examples
some abstract things
such
as religion. To
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exemplify
examplify
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exemplify
, When ı feel blue, ı will go to the mosque and ı pray. It makes me
more happy
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happier
show examples
since it helps to find my inner peace. So
people
need to find something
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special
speacial
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special
which is not concrete for them. In conclusion, finding
motherland
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the motherland
show examples
of
happiness
remains a controversial issue. Some
people
think it can be responsibilities or other factors
such
as
money
, yet in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
the key
of
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to
show examples
being happy is inside of
people
.
Submitted by merttufan197 on

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • individual responsibility
  • personal mindset
  • proactive steps
  • self-improvement
  • socio-economic status
  • relationships
  • environmental conditions
  • external factors
  • positive attitude
  • pursuit of happiness
  • facilitate
  • hamper
  • proactive engagement
  • sense of achievement
  • conducive environment
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