IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that space travel is a waste of government money while others believe it is important for human development. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#people #space #travel #waste #government #money #development
Space
 travel is considered by some to be a waste of authority resources,
while
 others consider it essential for the development of mankind. I totally agree with
this
 opinion because
space
 trips really cost a lot of money.
However
, it can lead humans to avoid extinction. The authority does not need to conduct these rides since it spends a lot of money and it is only a waste of the ministry fund. There are two reasons for that opinion.
Firstly
,
this
 kind of project needs a huge amount of funds, especially for the research and development of technology.
For instance
, Elon Musk who is the CEO of SpaceX spent US $74 Million for only research and development for these travel projects.
Secondly
, The Government still has a problem
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to overcome
such
 as Poverty.
For example
, 16,7% of citizens in Russia are on the poverty line.
Therefore
, it is wasteful to spend money to do
this
 kind of project, and it is better to use the
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 to overcome the urgent matter.
On the other hand
,
space
 travel can help people to make a prevention plan if the earth
will become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
 a place
that is
 not appropriate to stay in
due to
 these two reasons.
Firstly
, on
this
 day we can see that the condition of our planet is getting worse, the effect of global warming makes the sea level go up and it is increasing every year, so in the future, some of the islands will definitely sink.
For example
, we can see that Betet Island and Gundul Island are drowned because of the rising sea level.
Secondly
, conducting
this
 research can help us to find another place
that is
 appropriate for humans to stay. All in all, I believe that a tour of
space
 is a project that can have a good impact on us in the future, especially for saving mankind.
However
, I think that only private companies can hold
this
 program because they do not need to face a problem like a state
such
 as poverty.
Furthermore
, they can focus their funds
to develop
Change preposition
on developing
show examples
 the technology.
Submitted by tryaw2014 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's opinion. Also, provide a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points.
Task Achievement
The introduction lacks clarity in presenting the writer's opinion and the main points. Ensure to address all parts of the task, like discussing both views and giving a clear personal opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocate resources
  • technological innovation
  • benefit multiple sectors
  • immediate needs of society
  • long-term survival of humanity
  • habitable planets
  • potential risks
  • space debris
  • national prestige
  • foster international cooperation
  • united global community
What to do next:
Look at other essays: