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Band 3.5

NOWADAYS, MORE AND MORE OLDER PEOPLE WHO NEED EMPLOYMENT COMPETE WITH THE YOUNGER PEOPLE FOR THE SAME JOBS. WHAT PROBLEMS THIS CAUSES? WHAT ARE SOLUTIONS?

#people #employment #jobs
In
this
 21st century, seniors are competing with youngsters in order to employment.
Although
,
this
 trend can cause
an
Correct article usage
apply
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ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
problems. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will discuss both the problems as well as the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 trend. There are numerous problems
causes
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 when older
people
 compete with youngsters
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the purpose of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
employment.
To begin
 with, older
people
 have very less experience as compared to teenagers.
Consequently
, if older
people
 got any kind of job
then
 it could be related to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 work.
As a result
,
this
 can
be leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
rate
Add an article
a rate
show examples
 of
Correct your spelling
unemployment
show examples
un employment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
show examples
.
Secondly
, when they compete and they cannot able to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job
then
 they might become a criminal and for earning purposes they can do many crimes like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 kidnapping, robbery etc., which is not good for our nation. Now the question is what is the solution? So,
government
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the government
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 should extend the period of retirement age. So, older
people
 can survive easily in their old age.
Secondly
,
government
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the government
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 should raise the state pension. In conclusion, due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
technological
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technical
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 knowledge older
people
 cannot find
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
jobs and because of
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 they may become criminals.
However
, every individual should support to avoid
this
 unemployment.
Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intergenerational competition
  • Age discrimination
  • Adaptability
  • Hiring practices
  • Workforce diversity
  • Upskilling
  • Lifelong learning
  • Flexible working arrangements
  • Ageism
  • Technological proficiency
  • Productivity concerns
  • Diverse skillsets
  • Legislative protection
  • Employment equity
  • Biases
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