IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

THE WORLD TODAY IS A SAFER PLACE THAN IT WAS A HUNDRED YEARS AGO, AND GOVERNMENT SHOULD STOP SPENDING LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY ON THEIR ARMED FORCES. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH STATEMENT?

#world #place #years #government #amounts #money #forces
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It is an undeniable fact that
,
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apply
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 these days, everyone can go anywhere without
worry
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worrying
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of
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about
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 anything. If we go back
about
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apply
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hundreds of years ago,
then
 it was not safe as compared
to
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apply
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now especially for
the
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apply
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woman’s
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woman
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 and children as well.
However
, it does not mean that our country is totally safe today. I completely disagree with the above statement and to support my opinion, I will give some strong reasons in
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 paragraph.
To begin
, recently, we can read the newspaper and even
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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 on TV or social platforms about
the
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apply
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cases of reps, kidnapping, robbery and many more. In fact, it will become increase day by day and for that, local authorities have to be taken some steps against it.
For example
, recently, a 10 years old girl
rapped
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was rapped
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 by 6
man
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men
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.
However
, till now, the
government
 do not even try to
caught
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catch
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 those men.
Consequently
, they have to be spent some funds and add some more police forces to stop
these kind
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this kind
these kinds
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 of crime rates.
Secondly
, by the influence of
latest
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the latest
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 holly wood series ‘MONEY
HEIST
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,HEIST
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’ some people try to
stole
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steal
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money
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the money
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of
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from
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Add an article
the bank
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bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
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. So,
government
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the government
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 should higher some senior police officers to control it. We can
also
 see that;
Indian
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the Indian
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 army
do
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does
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 not have that much of weapons compared to other developed countries like Japan and Russia.
Correct your spelling
Therefore
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Therefor
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Therefore
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,
government
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the government
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 should spend some money to buy some latest weapons.
Lastly
,
in
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on
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27th
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the 27th
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 of November 1990, In Mumbai, terrorists
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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attacked
on
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apply
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Taj hotel and
that
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at that
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 time approximately 1000
of
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apply
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people
were died
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died
have died
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 so,
government
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the government
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 should spend funds for hiring more Indian
army
Fix the agreement mistake
armies
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. Agglomerating all the above points elaborated, I would like to conclude that
government
 should spend some huge expanse on armed forces for the purpose of safety of every individual.
Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • International Diplomacy
  • United Nations
  • pandemics
  • socioeconomic improvements
  • literacy rates
  • economic development
  • social stability
  • military expenditure
  • deterrent
  • cyber-attacks
  • terrorism
  • biological warfare
  • critical areas
  • well-rounded approach
  • prosperous society
What to do next:
Look at other essays: