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Band 5

As a result of tourism, many historical building and sites are being damaged beyond repair. What could be done to prevent this?

#tourism #sites #repair
Tourism is a very profit-making industry in any country but ,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
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 various vintage buildings are vandalized
due to
 the tourist access to these places. There are a plethora of measures which could be taken to curb
this
 devastation and some will be discussed in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, the government could play a very crucial role in it by giving awareness to the general public to not throw litter and garbage in these historical spots and to not touch or spoil any artefacts.
For example
, nowadays many public service messages are being broadcasted on the national television of Pakistan that preserving and safeguarding the antique architecture of the country is the responsibility of every citizen so, in
this
way
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way,
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 everyone could become a socially responsible person.
Secondly
, authorities of the ancient construction should limit the number of people visiting these places
then
 there will be less crowd to look after and
also
Rephrase
apply
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they could restrict the visits of the audience to more fragile areas of the buildings.
For instance
, the management of the
antique
Capitalize word
Antique
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 Army Museum prohibits civilians
to enter
Change preposition
from entering
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 after the first hundred people in
this
 way they conserve it from destruction.
Moreover
, there could be a proper allocation of money in the budget of every fiscal year for the renovations of vintage establishments and again
this
 is the job of the government as they are responsible figures. Like, the Government of India allocate a certain amount for the restoration of one of the wonders of the world
that is
 Taj Mahal and
that is
 why it stands as magnificently as when it was newly constructed.
Furthermore
, strict checks and balances for any edibles should be done on the visitors and they should not be allowed to pass the security with any food item because in
this
 way there would be minimal garbage in these areas. To recapitulate, there are many means to save our precious heritage from the deterioration of human activities and implementation of these measures should be done rigidly.
Submitted by mairaakram28 on

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task response
The essay provides a clear response to the task, with relevant ideas and examples, but the development of some points is lacking.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and fulfill their functions, but the essay lacks some coherence in the development of ideas and arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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