IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people spend less of their free time with their family nowadays. What are the reasons for this? Are there more negative or positive sides to it?

The youth of today
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more choice and freedom than ever before. When they are not working or studying, many of them see less of their
families
Use synonyms
 than they used to. In my view, there are very few advantages to
this
Linking Words
 development, some causes of which I will explore in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are a number of reasons teenagers and those in their twenties are with their
families
Use synonyms
 less during their leisure
time
Use synonyms
, the main one being the need for them to
work
Use synonyms
. A good example of
this
Linking Words
 is in Indonesia where studies have shown that an increase in the cost of living has forced parents to ask their children who are still at school to
work
Use synonyms
 in the evenings and on Sundays and persuade those already
Change preposition
at
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 to do overtime or
work
Use synonyms
 two jobs.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 brings in much-needed funds, it comes at a huge cost, depriving
families
Use synonyms
 of important
time
Use synonyms
 to relax and spend
time
Use synonyms
 together and causing stress and ill health through overwork and lack of sleep.
Families
Use synonyms
 these days are
also
Linking Words
 unable to enjoy each other’s company as they used to because young people are under increasing pressure. They are compelled to study and train in their spare
time
Use synonyms
 in the hope of securing a place at the best university or College or, if already in
work
Use synonyms
, develop
further
Linking Words
 skills to ensure they keep their positions and are favourably considered for promotion.
This
Linking Words
 pressure to succeed in studies and
work
Use synonyms
 is huge as demonstrated by research by the London School of Economics, which revealed a huge increase in hours worked in
an unpaid internship positions
Correct the article-noun agreement
an unpaid internship position
unpaid internship positions
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 both for those still students and for young graduates hoping to persuade a company to employ them. Again, the loss of precious
time
Use synonyms
 with
families
Use synonyms
 cannot compensate for the advantages which ensue
although
Linking Words
 promotion may be achieved or jobs secured by
this
Linking Words
 practice. In conclusion, once that
time
Use synonyms
 with family has passed it cannot be regained. Clearly, whatever positives there are for young people from increased income or better job opportunities they cannot outweigh the negative impacts of spending less
time
Use synonyms
 with their
families
Use synonyms
.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
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