In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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In recent years, there is the vast majority of pupils who have completed tertiary without employment in various homes. In my opinion, the contributing factors of
this
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phenomenon are not only attributed to the lack of proper educational training but
also
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the unavailability of spaces in various public sectors.
However
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,
this
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situation can be overcome by terminating elderly people who are above sixty years
from
Correct word choice
old from
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the public sector and
also
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by proper schooling.
To begin
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with, there are many students who have completed their courses but are not employed because of the poor study system. Most schools only focus on theoretical
instead
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of practicals.
This
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makes fit ranks lack practicals which they could have used to set up a business after their completion in tertiary.
For instance
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, Ghana spends almost a billion cedis on teaching every year,
conversely
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, only one-third of the revenue is Chanel on practicals. In fact, the majority of the fund is always focused on Theory.
This
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means the majority of PhD will depend on the government for survival after schooling.
In addition
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, the lack of slots in the public sector is another contributing factor.
For example
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, a budget read by the minister of finance in Ghana revealed that there will be no recruitment into public institutions for the next two years because of capacity scarcity.
This
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means that most qualified will
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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in criminal activities
such
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as
arm
Replace the word
armed
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robbery for their basic needs.
However
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,
this
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phenomenon can be solved by proper training. Much attention should be
emphasised
Verb problem
paid
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to vocational training. In fact, students should be educated on how to set up businesses so as not to depend on the state.
Secondly
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, the government should create a field in the public sector by eliminating workers who are due for pension in other to pave
way
Correct article usage
the way
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for fit ranks. In conclusion, poor discipline and scarcity of tertiary in government institutions are the major causes of unemployed graduates,
however
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, it can be controlled by good training and terminating overaged workers.
Submitted by augesta7 on

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The essay addresses some aspects of the prompt, but the response is not fully developed and lacks clear comprehensive ideas. Provide more relevant examples and elaborate on them to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat adhered to, with an introduction and conclusion present. However, the overall coherence and cohesion could be improved by organizing the content in a more structured manner and using cohesive devices to link ideas.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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