IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time?

#people #favourite #time #activity #activities
Nowadays, we can't deny that shopping has become
one
 of the most popular activities for the teenage group. We can see many groups of young
people
 seeking new products in different areas or methods
such
 as malls, markets, or online applications.
Although
, there are several reasons which cause
this
 to happen which will be provided in the following paragraph. The
first
 point is promotion. Many stores have tried different ways to gather as many customers as they can, and
one
 of the most popular alternatives is to create the most worthwhile promotion.
This
 offer will make
people
 feel like their most valuable moment has now arrived.
For example
, decrease the price drastically which will encourage us to purchase it as soon as possible.
Furthermore
, the limit of time for sales can make even more hurry. The
second
 factor is a present new limited product. It can clearly be seen that many teenagers are trying to brag about their
asset
Fix the agreement mistake
assets
show examples
 which is a limited
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
show examples
 or an item that can't buy anymore. If we dominate
one
 of these products, it will make
people
 feel jealous due to it's a rare object.
Therefore
,
this
 is an opportunity for young
people
 to gain collect
one
 of these and they will never miss a chance to get it. To clarify the negative side of shopping. Most teenagers can't gain income by themselves, so all the money they spend is from their parents.
This
 activity will cause a habit where youngster believes that money is easy to gain. Eventually, they will lend money
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others which creates a huge dept and in the worst scenario is stealing, so it's better to suggest other activities for them. In conclusion, many young adults are interested in shopping due to the promotion or manufacturing
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
rare brand.
Nevertheless
, it creates bad habits which cause consequences, so we should advise something else
that is
 more useful and interesting among teenage old-age.
Submitted by clint.youngchim on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: