In some countries, fast food restaurants and companies give money to schools provided that the schools promote their products to school children. What do you think is the positive and negative of this in the development of children?

#countries #food #restaurants #companies #money #schools #products #school #children #development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Along with the advancement of advertising, some restaurants and companies selling fast

food

sponsor

schools

for marketing

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

. There are certain merits as well as demerits about

this

type of advertisement regarding the

development

children

which I will delve into and present

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

following

Wrong verb form

follows

show examples

To begin

with, there are two obvious beneficial factors about

this

action influencing a child’s

development

when

schools

are funded with

money

by these sponsors, being material and educational impact. To clarify, funded

money

is often used for renovating and expanding

schools

’ facilities,

for example

, purchasing more books for the library or building a new

gymastics

Correct your spelling

gymnastics

block for

children

. By doing that, school

Correct your spelling

attendees

show examples

attenders

Correct your spelling

attendees

show examples

have access to additional

Correct your spelling

resources

resouces

Correct your spelling

resources

and facilities.

Moreover

, they can learn to be selective about what they buy, and develop

new

Add an article

a new

show examples

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

to manage

money

, being useful for their future life.

As a result

, they can learn to value

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

money

Thus

this

type of covert advertising is positive for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

’s

development

, yet to a certain degree. When it comes to downsides of advertising fast

food

children

as the target, it may be exploitative and unethical,

also

a trend of a poor diet may occur. Despite a high quantity of salt and sugar, being harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

health, fast

food

is still preferable to

children

. Promoting

this

equalises encouraging a poor diet that may set schoolers up to be unhealthy adults which can be expensive for the state in the long run.

Besides

children

present a special group of customers that are easily influenced because they are not yet able to

Correct your spelling

criticise

critise

Correct your spelling

criticise

or form their own opinion,

additionally

, unable to

distinguise

Correct your spelling

distinguish

what is promotional and what is educational.

Consequently

, parents are aimed at through their

children

this

form of

adversiting

Correct your spelling

advertising

Hence

, the drawbacks are

also

worth

acknowledged

Wrong verb form

acknowledging

show examples

for

children

’s

development

. To conclude, it is

clearly

Replace the word

clear

show examples

that funding

schools

poses

Change the verb form

pose

show examples

some good points, being an extra financial source for new facilities,

however

, it is exploitative and unethical due to

children

’s underdeveloped skills of

critising

Correct your spelling

criticising

and distinguishing between

promotional

Add an article

the promotional

show examples

and educational meaning of advertising.

Also

, they are exposed to an unhealthy diet as fast

food

is directly promoted in

schools

Submitted by phamthanhquy93 on Sun Dec 04 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

360 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
The concept of competition and cooperation has long been a topic of debate, with the proponents on both sides arguing for the benefits of each approach. Some people believe that competition fuels progress and personal development, whereas advocates of cooperation emphasize the power of collaboration in achieving collective success.
6
band
Today more and more people wants things instantly( eg: goods, service, news,...) Why is this? Is it positive or negative development.
In the new era, the demands of civilisation are fostered with high levels of requirement. It is allowed that the desire to own products immediately increases in a high-tech society. The following paragraph will argue about the causes of this phenomenon and the advantaged ways it affects the human chain.
7
band
Excessive sugar consumption causes many diseases. Some people think that it is the government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption while others think that it is the individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views
Consuming too much sugary foods may result in the majority of illnesses. While some crowds claim that the government should take action to restrict eating sugar, I agree with those who believe it is people's duty to pay attention to their food and how much sugar they eat.
6.5
band
In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.
In our fast-paced world, the idea of driverless vehicles has sparked intense discussions. This essay will explore whether the advantages of autonomous transport outweigh the disadvantages.
8
band
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
The rising average weight and declining fitness levels in some countries can be attributed to several interconnected factors. One primary cause is the widespread availability and consumption of high-calorie, low-nutrient foods. Fast food, sugary snacks, and processed meals have become staples in many diets, leading to increased caloric intake without corresponding nutritional value. Additionally, sedentary lifestyles have become more common due to advancements in technology. Many people spend significant portions of their day sitting at desks, using computers, or engaging in passive entertainment like watching television.

In some countries, fast food restaurants and companies give money to schools provided that the schools promote their products to school children. What do you think is the positive and negative of this in the development of children?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Today more and more people wants things instantly( eg: goods, service, news,...) Why is this? Is it positive or negative development.

Excessive sugar consumption causes many diseases. Some people think that it is the government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption while others think that it is the individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?