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Writing Samples
Band 5

Because o f the busy pace o f modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world.

#f #pace #life #children #time #indoors #exposure #world
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It is a universal truth that today’s
children
 are exposed less to
natural
Add an article
the natural
show examples
world
 because of the busy pace of modern life than
children
 from past generations. From my standpoint,
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
time
 in
natural
Add an article
the natural
show examples
world
 is the best way possible to spend our
time
 during
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 day because
nature
 can have impacts not only on our physical health
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 on
mental
Correct pronoun usage
our mental
show examples
 health. In today’s life of an average child with school responsibilities, there is not much
time
 in a day that child can spend surrounded by
nature
. One of the main causes
children
 do not spend as much
time
 in
nature
 as past generations did is
development
Add an article
the development
a development
show examples
 of technologies
such
 as computers and video games. Because of that,
children
 do not need to spend
time
 outdoors to have fun with their friends in their free
time
. Spending
time
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
 and learning how it benefits human health can be educational, helpful and even fun for
children
. It can teach them that fresh air, physical activity and exposure to sunlight can improve their physical condition and state of mind.
Also
, it is extremely important that
children
 understand that no matter how busy they are during the day, they have to make
time
 for
nature
. Even though most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 already know
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 benefits of exposure to
natural
Add an article
the natural
show examples
world
, they still choose to stay indoors.
Therefore
, they are not familiar with the natural
world
 around them. Parents are partly responsible for that problem because they should explain the importance of exposure to
nature
 to their
children
. Understanding and appreciating
natural
Add an article
the natural
show examples
world
 around us should be a priority not only
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 for adults that tend to live in a busy pace of modern life. In conclusion, the solution to
this
 problem of
children
 preferring to stay indoors is to prioritize spending
time
 outdoors and taking a moment for appreciating the natural
world
 around us.
Submitted by nick.winsly on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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