IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Because o f the busy pace o f modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world.

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It is a universal truth that today’s
children
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 are exposed less to
natural
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the natural
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world
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 because of the busy pace of modern life than
children
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 from past generations. From my standpoint,
to spend
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spending
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time
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 in
natural
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the natural
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world
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 is the best way possible to spend our
time
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 during
a
Correct article usage
the
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 day because
nature
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 can have impacts not only on our physical health
,
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apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 on
mental
Correct pronoun usage
our mental
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 health. In today’s life of an average child with school responsibilities, there is not much
time
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 in a day that child can spend surrounded by
nature
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. One of the main causes
children
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 do not spend as much
time
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 in
nature
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 as past generations did is
development
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the development
a development
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 of technologies
such
Linking Words
 as computers and video games. Because of that,
children
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 do not need to spend
time
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 outdoors to have fun with their friends in their free
time
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. Spending
time
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
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 and learning how it benefits human health can be educational, helpful and even fun for
children
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. It can teach them that fresh air, physical activity and exposure to sunlight can improve their physical condition and state of mind.
Also
Linking Words
, it is extremely important that
children
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 understand that no matter how busy they are during the day, they have to make
time
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 for
nature
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. Even though most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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 already know
these
Correct determiner usage
the
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 benefits of exposure to
natural
Add an article
the natural
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world
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, they still choose to stay indoors.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are not familiar with the natural
world
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 around them. Parents are partly responsible for that problem because they should explain the importance of exposure to
nature
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 to their
children
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. Understanding and appreciating
natural
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the natural
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world
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 around us should be a priority not only
to
Change preposition
for
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children
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 for adults that tend to live in a busy pace of modern life. In conclusion, the solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem of
children
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 preferring to stay indoors is to prioritize spending
time
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 outdoors and taking a moment for appreciating the natural
world
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 around us.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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