IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many customs and traditional ways of behaviors are no longer relevant to the modern life and no worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

In the current ever-changing contemporary era, being rigid, whether consciously or not, absolutely does lead to failure. I
strongly am
Correct word order
am strongly
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 interested in the idea that people, societies and governments should be flexible in their behaviours or customs, in favour of dealing with changes in their circumstances.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
socio-economics
Use the right word
socio-economic
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 context and boundaries have evolved in a way
that is
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 no longer like even two decades ago, so
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
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version
Fix the agreement mistake
versions
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 of
traditions
Use synonyms
 will not work at all, even if the new generation
accept
Correct subject-verb agreement
accepts
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 them. In better wording,
due to
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 economic changes and thanks to
globalization
Use the right word
globalisation
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, the
young
Punctuation problem
young,
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 skilled labour force has to emigrate abroad looking forward to better jobs.
Therefore
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, traditional ceremonies like celebrating the new year with
atomic
Correct article usage
the atomic
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 or extended family
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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it's
Verb problem
are
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 no longer feasible.
For instance
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, for myself, who presently resides in Toronto, it's not affordable
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 to return
back
Rephrase
apply
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to my home town Hamedan, a City in Iran, just
for celebrating
Change preposition
to celebrate
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 Nowrouz
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and Iranian traditional ceremonies.
In addition
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, so different are the ethics and values of the youngster generation in comparison to their ancestors that previous
traditions
Use synonyms
 do not make sense to them. To elaborate more,
such
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 pragmatic and
factual-thinking
Use the right word
factual thinking
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are
Verb problem
is are
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 Z generation, which means the young men who
have
Verb problem
were
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 born in the third
millennial
Replace the word
millennium
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, in their viewpoint toward the universe, that none of the previous iconic concepts like Santa
Clause
Use the right word
Claus
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 attractive to them, even
at
Change preposition
in
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 their childhood.
Thus
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Use synonyms
traditions
Punctuation problem
, traditions
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 that
no
Verb problem
have no
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 factual evidence
Verb problem
to supports
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supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
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 it do not worth it to them.
To conclude
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, not only should we leave away our prior
traditions
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 we should warmly welcome any new customs that let us reinforce bonding in our modern societies.

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structure
Plan one idea per paragraph and start with a clear topic sentence.
content
Give more real examples and explain how they show your point.
language
Keep sentence short and check grammar so long lines do not block meaning.
content
The writer states a clear view and takes a position.
coherence
There are dealing with signs of order like 'To begin with', 'In addition', 'To conclude'.
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