Some people think high-end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #rate #crime

Several

people

have opinions that advanced

technology

can help them to avert and reduce the number of committing crimes. I cannot argue with

this

statement, because

technology

can help society monitor their surroundings every time and it can help someone catch the culprit easily.

To begin

with,

technology

is helping

people

to create a safe environment.

Technology

can make individuals monitor everything that happens in their environment everywhere and anytime. These features can happen because of a new invention that can connect us from anywhere.

For example

, scientists

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

found CCTV that can help anyone to monitor the condition in their neighbourhood.

However

this

kind of

technology

also

has a drawback because it relies on the internet which sometimes can become an obstacle if we are in a remote area, but be that as it

may

Add a comma

may,

show examples

this

problem can be overcome if we

built

Wrong verb form

build

show examples

a tower in a remote area.

Therefore

this

kind of

technology

is really helpful for controlling the situation in

people

's environment. The next thing is the new invention

also

can help someone to catch culprits without hard work. The latest inventions can help anyone to record anything that happens in the surrounding us. These things can happen because every scientist thinks that it is very crucial to have a

technology

that can help them record every incident.

For Instance

, the newest type of cars have a dashboard camera and GPS that connect to the police information data centre, so when a car is stolen the police can easily track the robbers and even they can have their faces.

Hence

this

kind of

technology

is very helpful for

people

In conclusion,

technology

is very crucial in

people

's lives these days, because it can help them

Verb problem

apply

show examples

monitor everything that happens surrounding them, and it can

also

help them to track the culprit if their belongings are missing.

This

thing can become the solution to overcome the increased crime rate on

this

day. In the

future

Add a comma

future,

show examples

we will be alive when we do not need to worry about anything.

Submitted by tryaw2014 on Mon Dec 05 2022

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Structure

The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement to clearly set up and close the argument.

Task Response

The essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas, supported by relevant specific examples. However, some points lack clarity and need further development to fully address the task.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

341 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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