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Band 5

Prevention is better than cure. Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measure. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prevention #cure #country’s #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #measure
There is a fact that
prevention
 is more beneficial than cure. The
government
budget
 should be allocated a high proportion
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
health
education
 and
prevention
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 rather than
treatment
. I agree with
this
 view. If governments follow the
prevention
 strategy, they can control the number of patients in hospitals.
This
 strategy in turn leads to saving money from spending to cure
people
.
For example
, by teaching sanitation to children and adults
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the pandemic period of
Corona virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
show examples
 and
then
 vaccination, countries controlled the number of patients and prevent the accelerating death rate of
people
.
Also
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
people
 are more productive than unhealthy ones, as they can bring value and income for themselves and the
government
 too.
Therefore
, focusing on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prevention
 is
economically
Correct quantifier usage
more economically
show examples
 beneficial than curing sick
people
. In
Correct your spelling
spite
show examples
spit
Correct your spelling
spite
show examples
 of the benefits of
this
 strategy, depending on the
government
 and its
budget
, the process of spending
budget
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
education
 than
treatment
 would be different. Some
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 are not capable enough for
this
 programme and should spend equally the
budget
 between these two sectors,
education
 and
treatment
. Since these countries are poor and most of their population are suffering from some disease, nourishment, poor sanitation and different viruses, they should spend more to cure
people
. If they can pass
such
crisis
Correct article usage
a crisis
show examples
, the best suggestion for them is to spend more on
health
education
 and
prevention
 programmes. In conclusion, if governments spend more on training about
health
 and increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
 awareness, they will become successful in preventing
people
 from diseases. Whereas they should spend more on
treatment
Add an article
the treatment
show examples
 of their sick
people
.
Submitted by wenglish995 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • health education
  • long-term savings
  • chronic illnesses
  • regular health screenings
  • vaccinations
  • early detection
  • empower individuals
  • sustainable healthcare
  • strain on medical services
  • robust healthcare systems
  • life expectancy
  • healthcare budget
  • public health campaigns
  • disease prevention
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