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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #influence #behaviour
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Nowadays,
people
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 are exposed to films,
games
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, and news that involve the contents of
violence
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. Some
people
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 claim that
people
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 are affected adversely by these sources that are about
violence
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.
On the other hand
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, some of them believe that there is not any important impact on
people
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's attitudes. In my opinion, it is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 fact that
people
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 see regularly
committing
Wrong verb form
commit
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violence
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Correct pronoun usage
that is
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is
Correct your spelling
as
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 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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people
Use synonyms
's lives.
To begin
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 with, due to the fact that
people
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 are exposed to encounter severity on
people
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, animals, and other things frequently; they think that committing
violence
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 is the normal situation. They may normalize
violence
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 gradually. It is evident that society may be influenced by
violence
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technological devices.
For example
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,
violence
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on
Change preposition
against
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
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 news
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 become widespread on television and
this
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 situation is followed by increasing
violence
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 that commits
on
Change preposition
against
show examples
 women. Because
people
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 see on the television and take power from it. After
that
Add a comma
,that
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 they commit
this
Linking Words
 crime.
In addition
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, many computer
games
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 comprise damage attitudes,
such
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 as death,
violence
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 and fighting. In modern society, children spend their
of
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apply
show examples
time on computers and video
games
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.
Therefore
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, they try to behave
what
Change preposition
in what
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 they see in the
games
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.
Also
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, they do not consider
sense
Add an article
the sense
a sense
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 of emotion when they kill figures of
people
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 in the game.
This
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 condition eliminates children's
feels
Replace the word
feelings
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 so they cannot hesitate to be vulnerable
for
Change preposition
to
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 somebody in the real life. In conclusion, humans are able to be affected by many things. They tend to act and normalize what they encounter.
Therefore
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, these programs that involve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
content
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
violence
Use synonyms
 should be banned
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
livable
Add an article
a livable
show examples
 world.
Submitted by merttufan197 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behavior
  • emotional and psychological development
  • impair
  • empathy
  • contributing factor
  • distinction
  • fiction and reality
  • mature audiences
  • reflective
  • prevalence
  • societal issues
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