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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pay for them. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

It is often said that in certain
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
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students
Use synonyms
 pay tuition
fees
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
at
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 their college or university.
Linking Words
on
Fix capitalization
On
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 the contrary, in some countries, the cost of education is paid by the
government
Use synonyms
.
This
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 author believes that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. In the following essay, these aspects are about to be debated as well. On the one hand, when
students
Use synonyms
 pay for their education, the
government
Use synonyms
 funding would be spent in more pressing areas and wisely
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as health care, air pollution and poverty.
For instance
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, all universities in America
acquire
Verb problem
receive
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 payments from
students
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, the budget of the American
government
Use synonyms
mostly is
Correct word order
is mostly
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 allocated to improving air quality
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is a crucial issue for
this
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 country.
Consequently
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,
this
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 obstacle is about to be alleviated in the future.
Thus
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,
this
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 strategy could help the
government
Use synonyms
 to spend the funding more effectively.
On the other hand
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, the cost of education for educators is considered prohibitive.
As a consequence
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, many
students
Use synonyms
 cannot afford these expenses.
Moreover
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, they would be forced to leave college or university.
Due to
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this
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 incident, the rate of educated people in
society
Use synonyms
 would plummet
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 could have detrimental
causes
Check wording
consequences
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 on our
society
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.
For example
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, the annual tuition
fees
Use synonyms
 in public universities rocketed
last
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 year.
According to
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 various research programs, the number of specialists in our country declined sharply
due to
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this
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.
Therefore
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, by making
students
Use synonyms
 pay their college or university
fees
Use synonyms
, the rate of well-educated people in
society
Use synonyms
 would decrease significantly. In conclusion,
while
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 in some countries the
government
Use synonyms
 authorities are responsible for payments of tuition
fees
Use synonyms
, in others, educators have to pay the expenses all by themselves. I assume the cons of
this
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 strategy are more remarkable than its pros since many
students
Use synonyms
 find these payments unaffordable.
Furthermore
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, in the long term,
society
Use synonyms
 would have fewer educated individuals.

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task
Say your view in the opening and keep to it in the rest of the essay.
structure
Give each idea a clear reason and a simple example to support it.
grammar
Fix grammar and the word order in sentences.
fact-check
Use facts you can back up, or avoid facts that are not true.
structure
Break long ideas into short parts; use one idea per paragraph.
structure
Clear plan with an intro, body and final end.
linking
The writer uses linking words to show the flow of ideas.
content
There are some examples given to support points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • students
  • college
  • university
  • government
  • fees
  • education
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • work
  • afford
  • society
  • debt
  • facilities
  • resources
  • quality
  • overcrowding
  • graduates
  • invest
  • homes
  • businesses
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