Cheaper food is now available because of greater use of fertilizers and improved machinery. This improved production, however, can be harmful to individuals and the community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Discuss, including examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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All
parents
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want the best
opportunities
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for their
children
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. There are some people who think that schools should teach
children
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skills
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but others think having a range of subjects is better for a
children
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's
future
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. Discuss both sides and give your opinion . It is considered by some
parents
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that
children
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have to get
skills
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in school, while others think that education should be concentrated on subjects. In my opinion, teaching some additional
skills
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will help students in the
future
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.
This
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essay will discuss both viewpoints. On the one hand, there is an option that school can give to
children
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not only
academic
Add an article
the academic
an academic
show examples
base
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
help to train some additional
skills
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,
such
Linking Words
as cooking, oratory, etc., which could help them in the
future
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.
In other words
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, individuals who have life
skills
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will be easier to adapt
in
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to
show examples
adult life, and received knowledge,
such
Linking Words
as oratory, could give strong points to the candidate
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
university
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interview. It is difficult to argue against
this
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view as long as
such
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knowledge prepares teenagers for the best
opportunities
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and it broadens their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
For instance
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, the priority of universities in England is to get the best students, and competition is very high, because they want to get not only well-educated for the academic side, but
also
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well-prepared with
skills
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because universities
also
Linking Words
want to know which bonuses candidates can bring to
university
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life.
However
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, many
parents
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believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
concentration on a subject is better for
Correct pronoun usage
their childrens’
show examples
Change noun form
children’s
show examples
childrens’
Correct your spelling
children's
show examples
future
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because academic knowledge will help to get the best work
opportunities
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. Indeed, some professions require a strong academic base,
such
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as medicine, and companies require job seekers to have a degree to be a part of their organization.
This
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may be true of some particular work, and some professions require people to study a subject deeply, but there are many cases when candidates move forward into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career steps without specialized training. To illustrate, many businessmen,
such
Linking Words
as Steve Jobs, did not get a
University
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degree
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but could
built
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build
be built
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
own company by possessing the necessary
skills
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for a successful businessman. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
it is still believed by many
parents
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that schools should train
children
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in some
skills
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,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
advocate the concentration on
a subjects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a subject
subjects
show examples
will help students in the
future
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
have to study
skills
Use synonyms
, because getting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
additional
skills
Use synonyms
will help young people get more
opportunities
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
University
Use synonyms
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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