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Band 3

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses, is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friends #businesses #development
Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most individuals prefer to use the internet and smartphones to
transfer
money
 to friends, family, as well as businesses. Do you think it is positive or negative development? And why? There is no doubt that there is any kind of benefit
transfer
Fix the infinitive
to transfer
show examples
money
 through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media and it is one of the greatest
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to
transfer
money
 in order to save more time.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it gives us lots of
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
such
 as if we will buy something from the internet, we can buy
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
some
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
products from our house. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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example: in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
month
Add a comma
,month
show examples
 our tutor
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
bought the IELTS course from
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their house through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media. To be sure,
this
 kind of cash
transfer
 is very dangerous and nowadays, cyber attack
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 many by hackers
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why the majority
Change preposition
of
show examples
people has complained to
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent
month
Add a comma
,month
show examples
 cyber attack has been
US's
Change noun form
US
show examples
 bank by hackers and
this
 bank
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lost one billion dollars. In
final
Add an article
the final
show examples
 analysis, despite the fact that
transfer
money
 has significantly become
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide and every people had
easily
Change the adverb
easy
show examples
life by it.
Transfer
Wrong verb form
Transferring
show examples
money
 is a negative development in
Add an article
the
show examples
general cause
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cyber
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
 can
be occurred
Change to the active voice
occur
show examples
 while transferring
a
Correct your spelling
amount
show examples
mount
Correct your spelling
amount
show examples
 of
money
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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