IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, think there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
Although
 the government is trying their best to decrease the criminal percentage every year, the figure is still rising so a plethora of citizens assume that a higher punishment is the most useful way to decline the amount of organized crime.
On the contrary
, others believe that there are more improved methods to curb scandals. In my point of view, I consider that more efficient methods are a better way to solve
this
 issue. On the one hand, some people think that
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 the prison penalty is a hard punishment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Correct your spelling
activities
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 in society because the fearless of
Correct your spelling
losing
lossing
Correct your spelling
losing
 their free roam might prevent them from being a crime. But there are some cases
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 the culprits don<t even care about the penalty because they know that the government tend to give them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goods
Fix the agreement mistake
good
show examples
 living conditions during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
imprisonment.
For instance
, in
Malaysia
Add a comma
,Malaysia
show examples
 it's easy to see a
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 buy drugs in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 are
imprisonment
Replace the word
imprisoned
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe there are more
Correct your spelling
efficient
efficinet
Correct your spelling
efficient
 methods to decline the criminal rates rather than giving longer sentences
such
 as
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education, teaching
Correct your spelling
children
cildren
Correct your spelling
children
 about
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
, policies or the impacts
bad
Change preposition
of bad
show examples
 actions
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 people around them. Strict education for younger generations might make them become a good citizen and
also
Correct your spelling
prevent
prevents
prevnet
Correct your spelling
prevent
 them from doing
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 illegal.
For example
, in many developed countries
such
 as Japan,
Singapo
Correct your spelling
Singapore
 they educate their citizens about
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and ethicals
show examples
ethicals
Replace the word
ethics
show examples
 when they
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
study in primary school to ensure they won't make a mistake in future. To conclude, it is acceptable to find different ways while
punishing
Wrong verb form
punish
show examples
 the culprit rather than relying on a single one like imprisonment. Because it can ensure a crime-free and peaceful life in society.
Submitted by shynlee01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: