IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In your own opinion, what do you think are the factors that contribute to longevity (living a long time)? List some examples and reasons to support your answer.

#factors #longevity #time #list #support
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These days, with the development of medicine and technology,the
life
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expectancy
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 of
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a human
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human
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humans
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 is longer than in the past. There are several reasons that contribute to the growth of
life
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 span. In
this
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 essay, I will propose some factors and give examples.
Firstly
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, the main
factor
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 that increases the time
people
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 live is a healthy
lifestyle
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. Some scientists proved that eating more healthy food and exercising at least three times a week could improve
immune
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the immune
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 system. A positive
lifestyle
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 not only helps
people
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 get into shape but
also
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 helps
people
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 prevent chronic diseases
such
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 as diabetes and heart illness. Take Japan as an example,
this
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 country has a huge number of elder
people
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. The key
factor
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 related to
ageing
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the ageing
an ageing
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 population in Japan is their food and their habit of exercise.
Instead
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 of eating red meat like pig or beef, they consume seafood, salmon is a good example. It contains nutrients that have a positive effect in reducing cholesterol levels;
therefore
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, it could
helps
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help
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Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
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 avoid high blood pressure.
Moreover
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, mental health is an important
factor
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 that
have
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has
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 a great effect on
life
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expectancy
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.
People
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 who have positive thinking or don't have to deal with any mental health problems are likely to live longer.
Secondly
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, the development of medical treatment is a crucial
factor
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 that contributes to longevity. New types of equipment are invented to allow patients to take more chances in treatment so that
increase
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increases
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 their
life
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expectancy
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.
For example
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, because of the invention of insulin medicine, thousand of diabetics
were
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apply
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preserved their
life
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 from illness. To sum up, a healthy
lifestyle
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 and model
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 are two main factors that affect longevity. Government should take responsibility for increasing
life
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expectancy
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 by investing more money in advertising to encourage residents to have a positive
lifestyle
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 and
also
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 spend more money on national insurance.
Submitted by nguyengiangbk2018 on

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