In today’s world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, there are a
lot
of people
who spend a lot
of money to change their looks due to
looking younger. Because people
think that if they look elderly, others do not think they are not beautiful. I am inclined to believe that changing your appearance sometimes leads to physical and psychological problems so it is a negative development.
First of all, people
's skins are harmed because some cosmetic products include harmful and chemical materials. In the
other words, Correct article usage
apply
although
these products provide to look younger, some of them can contain high amounts of acid. Moreover
, burns can occur on their faces in unconscious and excessive use. For instance
, last
year, some people
complained about NewLab which is a famous brand in Turkey. When they use their acidic serums to look younger, some burns and rashes appeared
on their faces. Wrong verb form
appear
In addition
, when they went to the doctor, they found out that they had severe burns on their faces. They started treatment and most of them are still undergoing this
treatment. Thus
, these products may cause skin diseases.
Secondly
, making an effort to look young has a negative impact on people
's psychology. Most of them are obsessed with looking young. This
obsession puts them under pressure. They are afraid of getting old so they spent
a Wrong verb form
spend
lot
of money on their appearance. For example
, when a middle-aged is criticized for the wrinkles on her face, she starts to see it as a problem. However
, as everyone gets older, wrinkles are normal. Thus
, this
obsession with looking young will ruin people
's psychology.
To conclude
, some people
tend to spend a lot
of money and make an effort to change from their aged appearance to a younger looking
. Replace the word
look
However
, it causes physical and psychological problems. Furthermore
, it is predictable that although
it is unfortunate, the number of people
who strive to look young will increase over time.Submitted by bengisuzeynep7510 on
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task response
The essay partially addresses the task. It should give more attention to the drawbacks of spending money on appearance and provide a balanced perspective on the positive and negative aspects.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure could be improved. The essay lacks clear topic sentences for each paragraph, leading to some confusion.