IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. This has more advantages or disadvantages

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities
Nowadays work takes 40 hours of our
life
 in a week, and it is important to work because in order to have a comfortable
life
 and gain an esteemed position in society, we are required to have an occupation.
Furthermore
 many people think by putting more
time
 into working, they will be more successful in achieving their goals faster, but by doing
this
 they will not only miss the chance of living and socializing with other people but
also
 makes them tired over
time
 and it might lead to quitting their goals. But sometimes working harder might be a good thing,
for example
 , if you set a short goal over a period of
time
 and plan for it, putting more
time
 into it will lead to achieving what you want in a short
time
.
Thus
, in conclusion , I think there should be a balance in every person’s
life
 when it comes to working, in order to have a healthy and comfortable
life
 a person should plan and rest so they don't overwork and lose interest in what they are doing and in some cases putting more hours will help them to get to their goals in a short amount of
time
 than working harder is good.
Submitted by Nedjoo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: