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Some people consider that school education should be concentrated on academic subjects, which would be helpful for their future careers, and subjects like music and sport are not useful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #school #education #subjects #future #careers #music #sport
It is believed that to be prosperous in future careers, the
school
 should prioritize lessons on academic
subjects
 rather than
sports
 and
music
. I am of the opinion that all
subjects
 matter, including
music
 and sport.
Firstly
, it is important to achieve a balance between academics,
sports
, and
music
. Not only the
students
 will have wide knowledge, but the function of those
subjects
 support each other.
For instance
, understanding the complicated partiture in
music
 requires strong analysis in the brain,
as a result
, it can
also
 be a practice for the brain in terms of critical thinking. Another reason is the
school
 should be able to accommodate
students
 who have talent in
sports
 and art.
Furthermore
, the
school
 need to develop their talent so they can represent their
school
, and might win a competition. Another sound argument is academic
subjects
 themselves will not be enough for
students
 to compete in global competitions.
This
 means, learning art is good for developing their sense of creativity
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 while being active in sport
also
 play an important role to keep them healthy.
Additionally
, doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular activities at
school
 is a good way to build healthy habits when they grow up. In conclusion,keeping the balance between academics,
sports
 and
music
 is the best way to develop a well-rounded human being who has wide knowledge and skill. Other than that, learning all those
subjects
 will create a good habit to prepare the
students
 facing the competitive career in the future.
Submitted by fitri.antoni on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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