IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The rising levels of traffic congestion in many big cities around the world can cause the decline in the quality of life in cities. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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Some
people
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 argue that the decline in the quality of life in cities is caused by the rising levels of
traffic
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congestion
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 in many metropolises around the world. The high
traffic
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 density is
due to
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 the increasing number of
vehicles
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 and the insufficient public
transportation
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options
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 provided by the government.
However
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,
this
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 issue can be addressed by offering a wider range of public transport
options
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 and increasing taxes on private
vehicles
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. Nowadays, the rise in
traffic
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congestion
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 in metropolises negatively affects
people
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's lives.
First,
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this
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 problem is caused by the growing number of private
vehicles
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, which increases daily compared to the past.
As a result
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 of globalization, vehicle advertisements spread aggressively, influencing
people
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 to buy cars or motorcycles more easily through credit
options
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.
Furthermore
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, the availability of public transport is inadequate to support metropolitan areas.
People
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 do not have enough
options
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 for public
transportation
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 suited to their needs.
However
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, both the government and citizens can help resolve
traffic
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congestion
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.
First,
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the government should provide more public
transportation
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 that meets
people
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's needs.
For instance
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, they could create dedicated
transportation
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 lanes that connect urban areas,
such
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 as offices, gyms, coffee shops, and malls.
Moreover
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, they must educate citizens through effective campaigns to increase public interest in their programs.
Additionally
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, raising taxes on private
vehicles
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 could be another solution, discouraging
people
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 from purchasing new cars and encouraging them to use public
transportation
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instead
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. In conclusion,
while
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 the increasing number of
vehicles
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 and the lack of public
transportation
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 contribute to
traffic
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congestion
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,
this
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 issue can be mitigated by expanding public transport
options
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 and raising taxes on private
vehicles
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.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on the specific impacts of traffic congestion on quality of life to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Try to include additional examples or case studies to support your points on public transport and government initiatives.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use transition words effectively to enhance the flow between your ideas in the paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details that are clearly linked to the thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear understanding of the problem and provides a well-structured response.
coherence and cohesion
The use of varied vocabulary demonstrates a good range and can help engage the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • traffic congestion
  • quality of life
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • bottleneck
  • commuting
  • alternative transport options
  • cycling paths
  • sustainable transport
  • reliance on cars
  • urban planning
  • vehicle ownership
  • population growth
  • inefficient layouts
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