IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Success in business can be assured if you have great marketing and promotion. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#success #business #promotion
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe successful
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 can be measured by the marketing and
promotion
Use synonyms
campaign
Use synonyms
 that they make. In my opinion, great marketing is not the only thing that
define
Change the verb form
defines
show examples
 success in
business
Use synonyms
. Certain reasons regarding
this
Linking Words
 will
be
Change the verb form
be further explained
show examples
further
Linking Words
 explain in the essay.
First
Linking Words
 of all, there are several aspects that need to be seen to consider a successful
business
Use synonyms
. One of the essential factors is the happiness of their employees. Good
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 will put their
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
show examples
 matters
first
Linking Words
 because the key to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 the
business
Use synonyms
 goals is followed by creating a good team. To illustrate, if a cafe
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to gain more
customers
Use synonyms
, they have to train their waiter and waitress to give
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good service.
Thus
Linking Words
, the waiter and waitress
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 will be the
first
Linking Words
 thing to assure.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
great
Add an article
the great
a great
show examples
 advertisement will not yet define the profit gain of one
business
Use synonyms
. A
business
Use synonyms
 may have
interesting
Add an article
an interesting
show examples
Use synonyms
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
, but if
this
Linking Words
 cannot make
customers
Use synonyms
 buy the product,
then
Linking Words
 it is unlikely to get more
sells
Replace the word
sales
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
heartwarming
Add an article
a heartwarming
the heartwarming
show examples
campaign
Use synonyms
 by Burger King
when
Change preposition
during when
show examples
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
 happens said to their
customers
Use synonyms
 to buy
another brands
Replace the adjective
another brand
other brands
show examples
 of fast food
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that similar fast food businesses will remain
throught
Correct your spelling
through
throughout
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is a great
campaign
Use synonyms
 from Burger King but
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
 risk. They make their
customers
Use synonyms
 respect the brand more, but they cannot assure
wheter
Correct your spelling
whether
 their
customers
Use synonyms
 will buy more or choose another brand. Another reason, when a
business
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 great
promotion
Use synonyms
 and marketing. It
also
Linking Words
 needed to look at the impacts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Is it gives good impacts or bad impacts
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illustration,
spunbond
Correct your spelling
spun-bond
 bag as a
campaign
Use synonyms
 related to
go
Change the verb form
going
show examples
 green may not be the best
campaign
Use synonyms
. Because the negative side according to
this
Linking Words
 will make
customers
Use synonyms
 have a big
compile
Replace the word
compilation
show examples
 of spunbond bags which may not be
reuse
Wrong verb form
reused
show examples
 in the future. To conclude, great marketing and
promotion
Use synonyms
 may become one of the significant
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
 of a successful
business
Use synonyms
, but it is not the only factor. Other factors
such
Linking Words
 as the happiness of the employees and the real profit gain are the other two important matters.
Submitted by aulia.putri2298 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: