IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others claim that they should have freedom to choose their favourite activities. Discuss both views and present your opinion.

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #favourite #activities
Some
people
 said
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
sports
 need to prohibit by the government, whereas others disagree with
this
 statement because they believe that it should depend upon
people
 which
sports
 they want to play. Before presenting my view, I intend to explore both views in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with those
people
 who have opinioned that dangerous
sports
 should be restricted because of some reasons. The
first
 and foremost reason is that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters get
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 others who have more knowledge and experience about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dangerous
sports
 ,
for instance
, car racing and rock climbing which they try to do by themselves without any guidance or mentors.
As a result
,
less
Change preposition
with less
show examples
 experience in
this
 game they faced death in most of the cases because they put themselves
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
risk while playing
this
 kind of harmful
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
. To explain
this
, according to one survey
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Timeline newspaper
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
held in Australia,
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 said that maximum
cases
Correct quantifier usage
number of cases
show examples
 of accidents happened due to playing life-threatening games.
On the other hand
, it is the choice of
people
 what they want to do. Dangerous
sports
 give chance to individuals for facing challenges things which is helpful for them to overcome their fear and make them stronger.
Furthermore
, because of a hectic lifestyle,
people
 feel stressed
therefore
 they want some break from their busy schedule to get some relaxation. Due to
this
, the majority of
people
 play these games for entertainment purposes and
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
 adventurous things in life. In conclusion, I take the view that
sports
 activities are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 source of amusement which will help
people
 to get relief from stress and problem.
Thus
, it is totally dependent upon the
people
 who want to play but they should have proper knowledge and guidelines about the game to overcome the number of accidents.
Submitted by charanjeetkaur4413 on

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