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Band 5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percent of these positions to women. do you agree?

#positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #percent #women
In
20th
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the 20th
show examples
 century, people claim
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
equality both in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 and daily life.
Although
 there are more than half of
women
,
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have a higher position in
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
, I believe that
this
 trend is beneficial. The advantages of having
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
 number of female workers are numerous.
Firstly
, years ago,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 were deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 attending university or even having a final word.
This
 was because the
women
's major role was to give birth and look after the child well being;
therefore
 the father was the
bread winner
Correct your spelling
breadwinner
show examples
, even if
this
 ancient mode of thinking is not accepted anymore.More and more
women
 strive to get higher positions in the men's world
,
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apply
show examples
 because they want to be
financial
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financially
show examples
 independent as well as
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
climb the career ladder.
For instance
, it
is well know
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is well known
show examples
 that
women
,
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apply
show examples
 are the dangerous rivals of men in electoral positions for the
Presidence
Correct your spelling
Presidency
President
.
Moreover
, they want to be a role model for their
offsprings
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offspring
show examples
. Needless to say, when a mother is a
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
 person, the child will copy the traits of his/her parents.
this
 may lead to an educated society and it benefits the whole society, in long run.To cite an example, the little girls were tough that
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 only duty is to get married and stay home,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
so
to
Correct word choice
as to
show examples
 have the same path as their
mother's
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mother
show examples
.
In addition
, having a
socity
Correct your spelling
society
 with educated
women
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
also
 advantageous
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illiteracy had significantly dropped, and they can contribute to the overall
countr'
Correct your spelling
country
country's
 s economy as they do not rely on
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 from the government. It is undoubtedly that when
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
women
a woman
show examples
women
takeas
Correct your spelling
takes
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
maternity leave, the government has to pay,
thus
 extra tax is added to the already burden
shoulder
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shouldered
show examples
 by the authorities. in
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
, it is suggested that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
firms should hire the employee based on
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 ability and experience, encouraging
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
females to compete in
this
 cutting
throut
Correct your spelling
through
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition
 is benefic.
Submitted by dr.lurabraga on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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