Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percent of these positions to women. do you agree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
20th
Change the article
the 20th
show examples
century, people claim
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
equality both in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
and daily life.
Although
Linking Words
there are more than half of
women
Use synonyms
,
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have a higher position in
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
, I believe that
this
Linking Words
trend is beneficial. The advantages of having
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
number of female workers are numerous.
Firstly
Linking Words
, years ago,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
were deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
attending university or even having a final word.
This
Linking Words
was because the
women
Use synonyms
's major role was to give birth and look after the child well being;
therefore
Linking Words
the father was the
bread winner
Correct your spelling
breadwinner
show examples
, even if
this
Linking Words
ancient mode of thinking is not accepted anymore.More and more
women
Use synonyms
strive to get higher positions in the men's world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they want to be
financial
Replace the word
financially
show examples
independent as well as
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
climb the career ladder.
For instance
Linking Words
, it
is well know
Change the verb form
is well known
show examples
that
women
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
are the dangerous rivals of men in electoral positions for the
Presidence
Correct your spelling
Presidency
President
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they want to be a role model for their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
. Needless to say, when a mother is a
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
person, the child will copy the traits of his/her parents.
this
Linking Words
may lead to an educated society and it benefits the whole society, in long run.To cite an example, the little girls were tough that
thier
Correct your spelling
their
only duty is to get married and stay home,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
so
to
Correct word choice
as to
show examples
have the same path as their
mother's
Change noun form
mother
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, having a
socity
Correct your spelling
society
with educated
women
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
also
Linking Words
advantageous
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illiteracy had significantly dropped, and they can contribute to the overall
countr'
Correct your spelling
country
country's
s economy as they do not rely on
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
from the government. It is undoubtedly that when
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
women
a woman
show examples
women
Use synonyms
takeas
Correct your spelling
takes
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
maternity leave, the government has to pay,
thus
Linking Words
extra tax is added to the already burden
shoulder
Replace the word
shouldered
show examples
by the authorities. in
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
Linking Words
, it is suggested that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
firms should hire the employee based on
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
ability and experience, encouraging
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
females to compete in
this
Linking Words
cutting
throut
Correct your spelling
through
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition
is benefic.
Submitted by dr.lurabraga on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: