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Band 3

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
Many
museums
 require fees for entry,
while
 others are free. I believe the advantages of charging
people
 for admission to
museums
 outweigh the disadvantages. Because without an entry
fee
Add a comma
fee,
show examples
 they would not earn profit for the maintenance of
museums
. On the one hand, admission fees allow the
museums
 to protect the collections of
museums
. By collecting the revenue, it can be used for the preservation of the museum.
This
 income can
also
 be used for the renovation of the
museums
. Mainly these
museums
 are funded by government sectors,
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
this
 can lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 shortage of money. So,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
charging admission fees could be beneficial for the payment of
salary
Correct article usage
the salary
show examples
 of employees
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who are working there.
For instance
,
while
 comparing many
museums
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
those that
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 collect entry
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 are far more maintained and cleaner than those
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 do not charge
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
.
On the other hand
, allowing entrance
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 will demotivate
people
 who are from low-income
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
.
Subsequently
Add a comma
Subsequently,
show examples
 they cannot be able to access free knowledge and information about cultural heritage.
However
, most of the
people
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 not there to treasure the exhibits but came to experience the free services.
Furthermore
, crowded
people
 can be noisier and might
also
 damage some exhibits. In conclusion,
preservation
Correct article usage
the preservation
show examples
 of exhibits is prioritized more as it could have valuable things from the past,
for
Correct word choice
and for
show examples
this
 they need profit.
This
 will improve the economy and can maintain the museum in a good way.
Submitted by jackjohn0590 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
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