IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays, Obesity is more common in all countries in the world, especially among children. This will lead to more health problems when they grow older. This essay will provide the causes of this problem and solutions.

#obesity #countries #world #children #health
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Obesity is the
second
Linking Words
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
leading cause of
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
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 disease. Lately,
Add a missing verb
being over-weight
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over-weight
Correct your spelling
overweight
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 is highly recognised
within
Change preposition
among
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 children in all states in the continent.
This
Linking Words
 is because of
excess
Correct article usage
the excess
show examples
availablity
Correct your spelling
availability
 of
food
Use synonyms
 items and consumption. To end
this
Linking Words
, parental guidance and awareness are
adviced
Correct your spelling
advised
advice
. It is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
important to have enough
food
Use synonyms
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 in the house to prevent starvation, but the adverse effect is when the
food
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
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 not properly consumed.
Food
Use synonyms
 not rich in nutrients and excess consumption are the primary reason for obesity.
In addition
Linking Words
,
For instance
Linking Words
, in a
reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
 article published in Nigeria,
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 diet should comprise
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20% of
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
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, 45% of protein, 35percent of vitamins. Parents should monitor their
child
Change noun form
child's
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 diet intake which is very essential by making a
food
Use synonyms
time table
Correct your spelling
timetable
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 so as to give the right proportion at the right time.
In addition
Linking Words
, guidance should endeavour to have the right awareness on how to eat healthy
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 by getting related articles. In conclusion, excess foodstuffs and consumption are the leading cause of
over-weight
Add a missing verb
being over-weight
show examples
 while parental watchfulness would put a stop to obesity in children
Submitted by olaryinkar on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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