Society is becoming obssesd with material goods like fast cars, designer cothes and flashy jewellery. We have stopped caring about importatnt things and this is why divorce rates are so high and family bonds are not as strong anymore; our value system is disintegrating. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In
this
day and
age
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,age
show examples
people
are working more and more and their
life
Replace the word
lives
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
become very
fast- paced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
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. They really often forget about real values
such
as family or friends and
instead
of that they focus on material goods and the amount of
money
they earn.
This
essay will discuss why
unrestrained
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the unrestrained
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need
of
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for
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money
can
cause
disintegration
Correct article usage
the disintegration
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of
system
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the system
show examples
but will
also
show that
money
can bring happiness without having
bad
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a bad
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influence on
family
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the family
show examples
. Nowadays, usually both parents have to
work
to support the family. It causes
that
Correct word choice
apply
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a lot of children bring up in loneliness or with those who don’t give them enough attention.
Fast
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The fast
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pace of life
cause
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
work
longer hours than ever before and they don’t have any strength for any other activities after
work
. If we want our family to
work
well, we have to care about it,
spend
Correct word choice
and spend
show examples
time with our relatives. The lack of talks about needs and problems will
cause
that family bonds will be getting more and weaker and in the
end
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,end
show examples
it can
cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
family breakdown. Children who don’t get enough love in their childhood
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
will have problems with building valuable and durable relationships and they will likely pass the mistakes of their parents to the
next
generation.
On the other hand
, I believe that
money
can bring happiness and it doesn't have to be connected to the enormous amount of working hours. In
this
day and age,
people
are getting more and more aware of the importance of mental health and
work
-life balance. More and more
people
decide to start
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
therapy and deal with their traumas and problems. I truly believe that it is possible to enjoy material goods
such
as fast cars or expensive watches and at the same time care about the ones you love. It requires a lot of
work
, attention and the ability to set your own boundaries, but it is possible. To conclude, the desire for
money
can
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a really bad influence on modern families. There is a thin line between working to support the family and workaholism. If we are not aware of
danger
Add an article
the danger
show examples
, we will likely destroy our family.
However
, nowadays we have some tools which can help us to specify our priorities, have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
right
work
-life balance and enjoy material goods as well as successful family life.
Submitted by mbin on

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