IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #technology #man
Experts have been debating whether
technology
 has made us more social, with many arguing that it has led to
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
interactions
 happening in real life. My opinion is that with today’s
technology
,
one
’s social life is not limited by physical boundaries anymore. With laptops, mobiles and social media networking, the boundary between the real and virtual world is collapsing.
However
, I would agree it has some negative impact on well-being, as
one
 does not need to leave the comfort of their chair anymore. Humans are wired to be social. With new
technology
 and online platforms, the reach of social
interactions
 has increased, where
one
 is not limited by physical constraints.
One
 can log on to a social media platform and find like-minded
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 to hang out with. The recommendation engines have advanced to build more social activities. They track your interests and hobbies and recommend to you similar people you may like.
This
 in turn has led to more social
interactions
. With the gaming platforms, nowadays
one
 does not only play games but
also
 hang out with their friends without ever leaving home. As the
technology
 evolves with immersive reality being made possible through Metaverse,
one
 can bring the physical and virtual worlds closely. Several expert studies have cited Virtual Reality based applications as Rec Room, as the new way ,teens today interact. Many experts cite
that social
Change the determiner
that social interaction
those social interactions
show examples
interactions
 online
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have led to
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 in mental well-being issues.
This
also
 manifests in how the current generation struggle with social anxiety when it comes to interacting in the real world.
However
, as these problems have become more evident, companies and governments have started to focus on solving these problems. Social media companies and the government have partnered to promote users' well-being in mind. A recent study on Instagram and the popular game League of Legends, that nudging users to get off the platform leads to reducing
such
 harm. To summarize, I do agree that advances
Change preposition
in
show examples
technology
 has led to
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 in social
interactions
. There is a downside that online
interactions
 have led to issues
such
 as social anxiety when happening in the real world.
This
 downside can be overcome by policies on holding companies accountable to prioritize users' mental well-being.
Submitted by asharma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social interaction
  • connect
  • communicate
  • video conferencing
  • stay in touch
  • online communities
  • forums
  • like-minded individuals
  • global communication
  • collaboration
  • access to information
  • knowledge
  • bridge the gap
  • social isolation
  • detachment
  • face-to-face communication
  • genuine human connection
  • maintain
  • real-life interactions
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: