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Band 5.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
Young people today are under pressure to do well at
school
 and go on to higher education
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 find a good job. For
this
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
 many people think that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
 are waste of time and that schools should only focus on more academic
subjects
. I would disagree with
this
 opinion and in
this
 essay will explain why.
Firstly
 there is a variety of
skills
 are taught in
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
 that are essential for living. A
school
 should not only
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
focus
Add an article
a focus
the focus
show examples
 on academic areas but should give
children
 a range of
skills
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
children
 learn teamwork, discipline, leadership
skills
 and how to solve problems with
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
.
Secondly
, not all
children
 want and need academic
subjects
. It is not important for everybody to go
higher
Change preposition
to higher
show examples
 education and have good
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in
school
. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 that
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
children
 to be more successful and find work easier.
Subjects
such
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 cookery and woodwork will be good for some students and give possibilities for job opportunities as chefs or furniture makers,
for example
.
Finally
,
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 can be very stressful and if all
subjects
 are only very academic
then
 it is bad for
children
.
Non academic
Add a hyphen
Non-academic
show examples
subjects
 like physical education and music reduce their stress better than only with academic
subjects
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I argue that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
 are important because they can help
children
 learn
skills
, find work and reduce stress. A
school
 should not only be
Add an article
a focus
the focus
show examples
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on academic success but teach lots of
skills
 to
children
Submitted by yousefalyousef2040 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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