IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
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Young people today are under pressure to do well at
school
Use synonyms
 and go on to higher education
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 find a good job. For
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
,reason
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 many people think that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 are waste of time and that schools should only focus on more academic
subjects
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. I would disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and in
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain why.
Firstly
Linking Words
 there is a variety of
skills
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 are taught in
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
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 that are essential for living. A
school
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 should not only
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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focus
Add an article
a focus
the focus
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 on academic areas but should give
children
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 a range of
skills
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.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 learn teamwork, discipline, leadership
skills
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 and how to solve problems with
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, not all
children
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 want and need academic
subjects
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. It is not important for everybody to go
higher
Change preposition
to higher
show examples
 education and have good
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in
school
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. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 that
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
children
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 to be more successful and find work easier.
Subjects
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such
Linking Words
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 cookery and woodwork will be good for some students and give possibilities for job opportunities as chefs or furniture makers,
for example
Linking Words
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 can be very stressful and if all
subjects
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 are only very academic
then
Linking Words
 it is bad for
children
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.
Non academic
Add a hyphen
Non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 like physical education and music reduce their stress better than only with academic
subjects
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. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I argue that
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 are important because they can help
children
Use synonyms
 learn
skills
Use synonyms
, find work and reduce stress. A
school
Use synonyms
 should not only be
Add an article
a focus
the focus
show examples
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on academic success but teach lots of
skills
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
Submitted by yousefalyousef2040 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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