There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

Young people today are under pressure to do well at

school

and go on to higher education

Correct your spelling

show examples

find a good job. For

this

reason

Add a comma

,reason

show examples

many people think that

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

are waste of time and that schools should only focus on more academic

subjects

. I would disagree with

this

opinion and in

this

essay will explain why.

Firstly

there is a variety of

skills

are taught in

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

that are essential for living. A

school

should not only

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

focus

Add an article

a focus

the focus

show examples

on academic areas but should give

children

a range of

skills

For

example

Add a comma

,example

show examples

children

learn teamwork, discipline, leadership

skills

and how to solve problems with

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

Secondly

, not all

children

want and need academic

subjects

. It is not important for everybody to go

higher

Change preposition

to higher

show examples

education and have good

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

school

. There

are

Change the verb form

show examples

some

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

that

teach

Change the verb form

teaches

show examples

children

to be more successful and find work easier.

Subjects

such

Change preposition

show examples

cookery and woodwork will be good for some students and give possibilities for job opportunities as chefs or furniture makers,

for example

Finally

school

Add an article

the school

a school

show examples

can be very stressful and if all

subjects

are only very academic

then

it is bad for

children

Non academic

Add a hyphen

Non-academic

show examples

subjects

like physical education and music reduce their stress better than only with academic

subjects

. In

conclusion

Add a comma

,conclusion

show examples

I argue that

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

are important because they can help

children

learn

skills

, find work and reduce stress. A

school

should not only be

Add an article

a focus

the focus

show examples

focus

Wrong verb form

focused

show examples

on academic success but teach lots of

skills

children

Submitted by yousefalyousef2040 on Sun Dec 11 2022

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where the did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

extinction of animals due to habitat destruction and pollutants

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Increasing numbers of students are choosing to study abroad. To what extent does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved? What are the drawbacks?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.