IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

As global trade increases, many goods including those we use on a daily basis are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distance.  Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

#trade #increases #goods #basis #countries #distance #trend
These days, the importance of worldwide trade rises up. Many
products
 which consumer use regularly are manufactured in other countries, leading to these must be transported long distance. The main reason why the process is going like
that is
 companies want to make more profit thanks to
this
. I strongly believe that
this
 advantage far outweighs any potential disadvantage
such
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the pollution which
transporting
Replace the word
transport
show examples
 system caused. On one hand, there must use vehicles
such
 as
ship
Fix the agreement mistake
ships
show examples
,
truck
Fix the agreement mistake
trucks
show examples
, and
plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
show examples
 to carry
products
 among the countries.
This
 can lead to serious air pollution because of releasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
CO2
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the atmosphere.
In addition
, when
products
transport
Add a missing verb
are transport
show examples
 by ship or plane, these are harmful to the mechanism of
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
an ecosystem
show examples
such
 as giving
misguided
Add an article
a misguided
show examples
piece
Fix the agreement mistake
pieces
show examples
 of information during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animal migration.
However
, I disagree with the statement since these problems can be tackled by using renewable energy resources and not transporting
during
Correct pronoun usage
them during
show examples
 the migration period.
On the other hand
, companies promote
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 incident, which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to high profit for them. Some
products
 can easily be manufactured
low
Change preposition
at low
show examples
 cost in certain areas. Despite the cost of transporting expenditure, companies import these goods since if they strive to produce certain goods
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
ownselves
Correct your spelling
ourselves
own selves
, production
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 would be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
higher.
For example
, the biggest amount of
chip
Fix the agreement mistake
chips
show examples
 is produced in Taiwan and even
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the most popular technology brands
such
 as Samsung or Apple buy chips from Taiwan
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 way is more profitable for their benefits. In
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, whether buying some daily basis goods which are produced in other countries and transporting these long distance is advantageous or not. In my point of view, when we look at the total picture, it is more affordable for manufacturers even though transporting process gives rise to pollution problems.
Submitted by merttufan197 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: