Many believe that success in life mainly depends on hard work and determination while others believe that factors like money and personal appearance are important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

It is believed by some that the dailies should sell the

products

which are produced by local brands

instead

of selling the import

products

. I completely disagree with

this

opinion.

This

essay will

first

illustrate that

this

tendency will not help local brands to be competitive and

then

discuss that some of the

products

are impossible to grow in various

countries

Firstly

, the market must always remain competitive and

this

can be possible only if customers have a choice to buy different brands of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

products

In other words

, if supermarkets will sell only the

products

of local businesses, it can affect the quality of the product and companies may sacrifice some necessary standards

Change preposition

show examples

a stage of production.

For instance

, in

Tajikistan

Add a comma

,Tajikistan

show examples

it is forbidden to import food, and

products

which are made by national companies cost a lot, but the quality does not match the price.

Secondly

, many different

products

can not be grown in some

countries

because of climate conditions,

such

as some kinds of vegetables and fruits. To put it another way, it means that if shops in

such

particular

countries

sold

products

which are produced in their own country,

then

people would never try some kind of

products

, like bananas or mango.

For example

, the UAE is

the

Correct article usage

show examples

country where can not be grown any fruits or vegetables because of the specific geographic area,

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

means that the import of

these kind

Change the determiner

this kind

these kinds

show examples

of food is

vital

Add an article

a vital

the vital

show examples

thing for

this

country. To conclude, there is an opinion that supermarkets need to sell the

products

which are made by local businesses.

This

essay totally disagrees with

this

suggestion, because it breaks the competition in the market, and the

second

reason is that some

countries

can not provide

Change preposition

apply

show examples

customers

some

Change preposition

with some

show examples

kind of food because of climate conditions in

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

particular

countries

Submitted by dulskywork on Mon Dec 12 2022

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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