IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

many students around the world are likely to take a trip after they graduated from school.

#students #world #trip #school
Nowadays, many students around the world are likely to take a trip after they graduated from school. In my opinion, I think there are many advantages like gaining experiences that we cannot learn from books, whereas there are
also
 some disadvantages because of the cost. In the following essay, I will show some of the reasons for both the pros and cons. It is often claimed that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad can really broaden people’s horizons. The reason is that different countries have their own special cultures. If students get a chance to visit, they can learn from the inhabitants and
also
 experience their lives there.
For example
, by joining the traditional festivals, we can learn the history of local people and their lifestyle.
Moreover
, we can
also
 meet friends
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different cultures. It is a good way to expand your social connection and
also
 let you feel more
confidence
Replace the word
confident
show examples
 because you have to encourage yourself to meet new friends.
However
, there are
also
 some drawbacks.
Firstly
, the cost will be really expensive and parents will be under financial pressure.
Moreover
, young people may feel homesick because they are far away from the place they live, while their parents will
also
 be worried about their children all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
. In conclusion, there is no doubt that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 around the world before going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college is definitely a worthy
investments
Change the noun form
investment
show examples
 as long as you have enough money and can contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your family very easily.
Submitted by tracy19978688 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: