In today’s world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#today’s #world #people #money #appearance #happen #development

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Nowadays, an excessive amount of money is spent on making oneself appear younger because many people are influenced by social media. In my opinion,

this

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is certainly not a sign of positive development as it could be

nocive

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negative

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to health.

To begin

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with, today, it has become common for lots of people to visit beauty salons in order to modify their external appearance in the way they want.

This

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phenomenon emerged after certain celebrities on social media started posting photos containing their much younger looks.

For instance

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, a famous American model named Kylie Jenner usually posts videos and images of her on Facebook which suggest that she is just 25 years old but in

the

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apply

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reality,she is 50 years old. Indeed, surprised by

this

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amazing transformation, millions of her followers started doing the same by spending thousands of dollars in beauty clinics. So,

this

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is the reason why many want to alter their looks.

Secondly

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, I believe that the negative side of

this

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trend is the long-term side effects of treatments undergone in order to have better physical looks.

For instance

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, during facial surgery , a large number of chemical substances are used.

As a result

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, over a period of

time

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time,

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one may suffer from allergies.

Consequently

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, he or she could even spoil his or her natural appearance if

this

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disease becomes severe. So,

this

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is a major drawback.

To conclude

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, I opine that one should be confident about the way he or she appears and should be aware of the consequences of trying to imitate other people.

Submitted by aswatht1996 on Tue Dec 13 2022

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task response

Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why people spend money on appearing younger and expressing a negative view on this trend. However, the examples provided could be more relevant and specific to support the points made.

coherence cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a generally logical structure, but there are issues with the introduction and conclusion. The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion is abrupt. Additionally, the essay would benefit from better use of linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Cultural and social pressure
Youth and beauty glorification
Technological advancements
Anti-aging treatments
Skincare
Cosmetic procedures
Self-esteem and confidence
Self-improvement
Self-care
Unrealistic beauty standards
Superficiality
Financial strain
Consumption and dissatisfaction
Psychological effects
Anxiety and depression
Body dysmorphobia

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