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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many of the problems that people are experiencing in today’s world are due to the fact that we have a very sedentary lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, more and more people
work
Use synonyms
 as white collar and can do their job comfortably in
Use synonyms
office
Correct article usage
an office
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, some people claimed that
this
Linking Words
 situation directly causes many kinds of diseases. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because there are other reasons that affect our health more directly. In the following essay, I will show some reasons and explain my view. It is argued that working
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
office
Use synonyms
 jobs can be
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 main
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 getting diseases. The
reason
Use synonyms
 is that the workers need to sit on the
office
Use synonyms
 chair for almost 8 hours and keep staring at the computer all day long.
Thus
Linking Words
, they don’t have enough opportunity to stretch their body and relax. So, it can be easy for them to gain weight and cannot release their stress by moving their body and resting their eyes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, because of the improvement
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology, we use
Add an article
a computer
the computer
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 a lot, and
this
Linking Words
 will let our shoulders uncomfortable and easy to gain shoulder pain.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I think the straight
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 getting
Add an article
the illness
show examples
illness
Replace the word
ill
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 is the lifestyle we take.
This
Linking Words
 means if we can take care of ourselves
then
Linking Words
 whether we
work
Use synonyms
 in the
office
Use synonyms
 or do physical jobs, we can maintain our health.
For example
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, the white collars can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise after
work
Use synonyms
, take a quick rest during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
, and
also
Linking Words
 choose healthy food
instead
Linking Words
 of junk food.
To maintain
Change the verb form
Maintaining
show examples
 these kinds of
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good way to prevent us from getting sick. In conclusion, I strongly believe the main
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 getting
illness
Correct article usage
an illness
show examples
 depends on if we keep our lifestyle healthy or not. Even if we need to
work
Use synonyms
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 long time in
Use synonyms
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
, we still can maintain our health.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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