Children are now less active on their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #sports #lessons #schools

These days, kids are

lesser

Rephrase

less

show examples

energetic in their leisure time than before.

This

, sports courses must be mandatory. Some segments of society believe that

this

trend

put

Verb problem

has

show examples

negative impacts on their physical health. I agree with

this

statement to a large extent and I will elaborate in the following paragraphs. Some parents think that their kids should spend their spare time studying and

also

, practising more on what they have learned.

However

, I refuse to believe it since they are just a young boy or a girl. We should not expect much from them. We must beware of their body

as well as

make sure they are safe and sound.

This

will happen when they are fit

with doing

Change preposition

to do

show examples

exercise. As we all know, playing sports can lead to so many positive impressions on our bodies.

This

is essential for youngsters. If they are unfit, they will have weak

Immune

Replace the word

immunity

show examples

Hence

,they can be sick frequently. ,

Unfortunately

Add a comma

Unfortunately,

show examples

nowadays, the majority of adolescents are keen on playing video games. Amount of them is isolated.

Rephrase

show examples

as a result

this

can be harmful to them.

Especially it

Rephrase

show examples

can have humorous adverse effects on their mental well-being. They need to commute with peers. Real correlation can aid in their life.

This

can be possible just by joining extra programs in schools.

For instance

, taking part in the football team or joining swimming. Believe it or not, doing exercise

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

a lot of benefits.

In addition

, can change their behaviour

moreover

their temper. The government must spend more money on

this

issue.

Also

, they have to plan helpful schedules.

To sum up

, after analyzing both sides of the argument it is not hard to see that sports and being fit are necessary for youth.

Submitted by aynaz.mombeini on Tue Dec 13 2022

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task response

Clearly state your position in the introduction and ensure that each body paragraph provides clear and relevant supporting points for your position.

coherence cohesion

Focus on creating a clear logical structure in your essay with well-connected ideas. Also, ensure the presence of a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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