Children are now less active on their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, kids are
lesser
Rephrase
less
show examples
energetic in their leisure time than before.
This
, sports courses must be mandatory. Some segments of society believe that
this
trend
put
Verb problem
has
show examples
negative impacts on their physical health. I agree with
this
statement to a large extent and I will elaborate in the following paragraphs. Some parents think that their kids should spend their spare time studying and
also
, practising more on what they have learned.
However
, I refuse to believe it since they are just a young boy or a girl. We should not expect much from them. We must beware of their body
as well as
make sure they are safe and sound.
This
will happen when they are fit
with doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
exercise. As we all know, playing sports can lead to so many positive impressions on our bodies.
This
is essential for youngsters. If they are unfit, they will have weak
Immune
Replace the word
immunity
show examples
.
Hence
,they can be sick frequently.  ,
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
show examples
nowadays, the majority of adolescents are keen on playing video games. Amount of them is isolated.
So
Rephrase
As
show examples
as a result
,
this
can be harmful to them.
Especially it
Rephrase
It
show examples
can have humorous adverse effects on their mental well-being. They need to commute with peers. Real correlation can aid in their life.
This
can be possible just by joining extra programs in schools.
For instance
, taking part in the football team or joining swimming. Believe it or not, doing exercise
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a lot of benefits.
In addition
, can change their behaviour
moreover
their temper. The government must spend more money on
this
issue.
Also
, they have to plan helpful schedules.
To sum up
, after analyzing both sides of the argument it is not hard to see that sports and being fit are necessary for youth.
Submitted by aynaz.mombeini on

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task response
Clearly state your position in the introduction and ensure that each body paragraph provides clear and relevant supporting points for your position.
coherence cohesion
Focus on creating a clear logical structure in your essay with well-connected ideas. Also, ensure the presence of a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points.

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