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Band 4

Smoking should be banned in public places because it not only harms the smokers, but also those who are nearby. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#places #smokers
In my
opinion
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,opinion
show examples
 there
is
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are
show examples
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 smokers nowadays, and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I'
ll
 tell about what I think about it.
Firstly
, I want to say that there're 1.1 milliard
somkers
Correct your spelling
smokers
 nowadays, and it'
ll
be increase
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increase
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untill
Correct your spelling
until
 government would not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
measoures
Correct your spelling
measures
measure
 for it. I know some people who are smoking for
years
.They're not
sportsmans
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
, they can't run for a long time and it shows how bad is smoking. But
also
 if you'
ll
some
Correct your spelling
come
show examples
 1
cigarete
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 it'
ll
 take 11 minutes of your life. I think you saw how horrible
lungs
Correct article usage
the lungs
show examples
 of
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
 who smoked for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
years
a year
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years
.
Add a missing verb
are.
show examples
 Just if you'
ll
 want to
smoke
 1
cigarete
Correct your spelling
cigarette
cigarettes
, just think how
horible
Correct your spelling
horrible
 will be
your
Change preposition
for your
show examples
 lungs.
Secondly
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,Secondly
show examples
 I think that people who's near with who is smoking will
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
hurt
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 health, so it's the
second
 reason why smokers should stop smoking, My dad is smoking for more than 20
years
,
now
Correct word choice
and now
show examples
 he
cann't
Correct your spelling
can't
 run very fast. And as I said before,
cigarete
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
 take 11 minutes of your life, There is an interesting fact that the most
longlifed
Correct your spelling
long-lived
longlived
 person smoked
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 she was 108
years
 old! She lived
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 she was 126, so think how long she
mayed
Correct your spelling
may
 live if she'
ll
 not
smoke
. And
also
 she ate
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
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 chocolate a week, so count how much
mayed
Correct your spelling
may
 she live if she would not
smoke
 and eat much chocolate.
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 if you'
ll
 follow my
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 you'
ll
 be a healthy and happy man. So you mustn't
smoke
, you should think about people who are near
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
you. So be
happy
Add an article
a happy
the happy
show examples
 and healthy man!
Submitted by yokubjon_nurullaev on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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