IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Public
parks
Use synonyms
 are appreciated by many as essential green spaces in
cities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the growing population and increasing economic demands, some people argue that
this
Linking Words
 land could be used for housing or business development.
Whereas
Linking Words
 I understand the need for urban growth, I believe public
parks
Use synonyms
 should be protected.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, public
parks
Use synonyms
 provide important health benefits. In crowded
cities
Use synonyms
, they offer space for exercise, fresh air, and relaxation.
For example
Linking Words
, people can go jogging, walk their dogs, or have picnics with family. These activities improve mental and physical health, which is vital in today’s stressful urban lifestyle.
In addition
Linking Words
,
parks
Use synonyms
 play an important environmental role. That's to say, they help reduce pollution, cool down city temperatures, and support biodiversity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, trees in
parks
Use synonyms
 absorb carbon dioxide and provide homes for birds and small animals. Without these green spaces,
cities
Use synonyms
 can become more polluted and less pleasant to live in. Of course, there is a strong argument for using land for housing or business, especially in
cities
Use synonyms
 with housing shortages or unemployment. Unlikely,
this
Linking Words
 development does not always need to replace
parks
Use synonyms
.
Cities
Use synonyms
 can find other solutions,
such
Linking Words
 as building upwards, using empty lots, or renovating old buildings. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 housing and economic growth are important, public
parks
Use synonyms
 offer unique and irreplaceable benefits to city life. They contribute to health, environment, and community well-being.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree with the idea of using parkland for development.
Instead
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 should focus on sustainable ways to grow
while
Linking Words
 protecting their green spaces.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider expanding slightly on the importance of parks to address the value of conservation and community spaces. This will enhance the depth of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs. For example, 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore' can help in transition.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position on the topic.
task achievement
Effective use of examples to support your points regarding health and environmental benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public parks
  • residential areas
  • economic development
  • urban planning
  • community interaction
  • ecological balance
  • biodiversity
  • property values
  • green spaces
  • mental well-being
  • physical well-being
  • social hub
  • cultural activities
  • tourism
  • urban residents
  • creative planning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: