Due to the influence of worldwide media such as television and computers, the gap between cultures is narrowing. The introduction of this 'global culture' is of great benefit to the world. To what extent do you agree with this viewpoint?

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Nowadays, because of the improvement
of
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in

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technology, we can easily communicate and interact with
people
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in different countries. It is argued that due to
this
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situation, the gap between
cultures
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is getting smaller and smaller, and
people
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around the world will
also
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benefit from
this
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circumstance. In my opinion, I think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. There are some
people
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argued
Correct pronoun usage
who argued

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that because of the increasing use of worldwide media,
the
Correct article usage
apply

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traditional
cultures
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face some difficulties. The reason is that
the
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younger are more likely to be attracted by foreign
cultures
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through media, including foreign food, fashion, and
also
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customs.
Thus
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, the traditional ones may be forgotten by
new
Add an article
a new
the new

The noun phrase new generation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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generation and cannot be passed on.
Moreover
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply

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societies might come through some cultural conflicts.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply

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cultural beliefs are might suppressed by other countries’ beliefs.
Although
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,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction Although. Consider removing the comma.

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there are some cons, more
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

think that the concept of “global culture” benefits the world.
Firstly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, by learning and understanding different
cultures
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,
people
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can broaden their horizons and
also
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achieve plenty of
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge

It appears that knowledges is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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very different from their culture.
Secondly
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, living
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
a

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global village together can help to reduce racism, prejudice, and
also
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war. The more
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

worldwide know about each other, the
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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gap will be narrowing. In conclusion, there are some conflicts that may destruct the local culture.
Nevertheless
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, overall the better outcomes exceed the drawbacks, as long as
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have open-mind and
are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

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willing to accept new things.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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