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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #child
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A number of parents buy their children as many toys as they wish
for
Change preposition
apply
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.
This
Linking Words
 action might have many outcomes
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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some of them have satisfactory but it
also
Linking Words
come
Change the verb form
comes
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 with
damaging
Replace the word
damage
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. When you purchase any game for your baby it gives them
confident
Replace the word
confidence
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 and they do not get disappointed or obsessive about that plaything,
therefore
Linking Words
 they do not get unhappy once they see their friends playing with the toys that he or she does not have. It not only makes them thankful but
also
Linking Words
 generous,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
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 my nephew shares his playthings with other kids.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 idea makes children spoiled and you can not control them anymore. Once you listen to everything they say and get everything they ask for you lose the game, and
it
Correct your spelling
if
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 you do not buy them whatever they wish for they will start to cry hard and scream loudly in order to achieve their desires. The statistics
shows
Change the verb form
show
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 that 78% of
spoiled
Add an article
the spoiled
a spoiled
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 child will get depressed in their teenagehood because of course that not everyone will listen to them and they can not receive what they want easily and by crying. For
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
,reason
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 they become depressed. As an example my father used to accept all my requests as a child, it was very sweet and pleasant for me as a kid but when I grew up a bit my problems started, l could not contact
with
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apply
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my school teachers so I started skipping school, The older I got my problems got bigger and bigger, for
this
Linking Words
reason
Add the comma(s)
,reason
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 my migraine attacks started happening when I was only 11
additionally
Linking Words
 I became depressed . To conclude,
consequently
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 idea has some wrong and right results. The advantage t
hat
Add an article
the hat
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 I discussed
about
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apply
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was that
this
Linking Words
 action makes your baby more confident, humble
moreover
Linking Words
 happy,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 for disadvantage
the
Add a missing verb
is the
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 act mentioned in the topic makes them overindulged and it has very bad consequences.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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