IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays in many countries young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities. What are the reasons for this? Do the benefits of this outweigh the disadvantages?

These days the majority of young people all over the world are likely to leave the countryside and move to the capital
cities
Use synonyms
 to find work or to complete their higher education . In my personal ,view I believe that the benefits of living in big
cities
Use synonyms
 are more than the drawbacks, and in
this
Linking Words
 ,essay I will discuss both sides and draw my own conclusion. In terms of the disadvantages of living in
cities
Use synonyms
 the
cost
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 of living
.
Add a missing verb
is.
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This
Linking Words
 is because the prices in the
cities
Use synonyms
 are incredibly expensive.
For example
Linking Words
, renting a tiny flat or apartment it is
cost
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 more than renting a big house in a rural area.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
cost
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 of food is extremely
highest
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the price of chicken in
Riyadh
Use synonyms
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
Use synonyms
cost
Verb problem
is
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 20 dollars which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 higher than the price in Dawadmi which is a town near
Riyadh
Use synonyms
. The reason behind
this
Linking Words
 is that the ratio of population in
cities
Use synonyms
 has increased.
However
Linking Words
, despite the drawbacks of moving to the
cities
Use synonyms
, there are a lot of benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the future in
cities
Use synonyms
 is more appropriate for adults. The reason behind
this
Linking Words
 is that there are many opportunities for professional jobs and an enormous number of great universities to complete their higher education. To illustrate, students who move from Dawadmi to
Riyadh
Use synonyms
 will provide them studying at an amazing international university
such
Linking Words
 as MBS University which is located in
Riyadh
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 immigration to the capital
cities
Use synonyms
 might provide a few problems in the prices. I believe that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

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coherence
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your main points, and consider rephrasing your thesis statement for clarity.
coherence
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your overall argument. Make sure to connect your ideas with appropriate linking words.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on the disadvantages in your paragraphs by providing two or three clear examples.
task achievement
The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay. Consider reiterating your reasons for supporting the benefits over the disadvantages in a more detailed manner.
coherence
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This gives it a good flow.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant to your points, such as mentioning the cost of living in Riyadh and Dawadmi, which demonstrates some understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • rural exodus
  • job market
  • academic institutions
  • cultural diversity
  • infrastructure
  • metropolitan
  • traditional values
  • overpopulation
  • innovation
  • networking opportunities
  • telecommuting
  • quality of life
  • economic disparity
  • environmental degradation
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