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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Environmental damage is the problem of most countries. What factors damage the environment and who should take responsibility?

#damage #countries #factors #environment #responsibility
Now, In
this
 global era, It seems to be really true that environmental catastrophes could have a major impact on most nations which has really affected countries. In
this
 manuscript, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 elucidate on what
things
 would affect the
environment
 and whom all should take responsibility for countries and provide a clear conclusion. To commence with, In
this
 current generation,
showing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 presumably adapted to the lifestyles of the
environment
. There are many kinds of
things
,
people
 could have been damaged
such
 as pollution, deforestation, global warming etc.
For instance
, In many developing nations, animals
should be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 exploited by
people
 which leads to a dwindling in their habitat and deforestation because
people
 could utilize the animals in different ways
such
 as food,
jacket
Fix the agreement mistake
jackets
show examples
 etc.
Secondly
,
people
 could not have serious environmental degradation because most companies would put the irresponsible disposal of industrial waste associated with water, sea etc which really affected
people
's health.
On the other hand
, the main authority should implement strict protocols and rules for
people
 to maintain an effective way because few of them could litter the street
such
 wastepaper and cans on streets.
Moreover
, the government should protect the
environment
 in many ways
such
 as renewable energy, reusable all plastic
things
, advanced technology machines etc, which is really developing our countries
clean
Fix the infinitive
to clean
show examples
 and green.
Therefore
, These are the possible
things
 to sustain the
environment
. Understandably, many of the points above have stated that environmental damage is very significant nowadays not only the government, but
people
 should
also
 take responsibility for everyone and reduce their carbon footprint.
Submitted by zulaihaajmal on

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coherence and cohesion
The essay shows some organization and progression, although it lacks coherence in some parts. There is a need to improve the logical flow of ideas for better clarity and understanding.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but it needs to provide more specific examples and develop the ideas coherently to fully meet the requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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