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Writing Samples
Band 5

The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. Do you agree or disagree?

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Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
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tink
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that organization's leaders or directors are often older
people
Use synonyms
 . But some others believe that the organization's leaders can be young
people
Use synonyms
 . In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I strongly agree
the
Change preposition
with the
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second
Linking Words
 notion youngsters may bring experiences as well as fresh
ideas
Use synonyms
 to companies ,
also
Linking Words
 they should have more significant roles .
Firstly
Linking Words
 , young
people
Use synonyms
 may have innovative
ideas
Use synonyms
 and a modern management system . Nowadays numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 are studying in foreign universities . And of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 they will come back
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home with knowledgeable
ideas
Use synonyms
 and
understanding
Correct article usage
an understanding
show examples
modern
Change preposition
of modern
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 technologies .
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 they can improve their home town rates .
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 if they begin their
work
Use synonyms
 in a company they do not accept
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 director's
ideas
Use synonyms
 because they only believe
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 experience .
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 if companies give the power to young
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
 it will be a motivation for them and they will try with all their strength during their
work
Use synonyms
 .
Secondly
Linking Words
 , young
people
Use synonyms
 try to teach new things
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
 during
work
Use synonyms
 time and in
this
Linking Words
 situation both young and old
people
Use synonyms
 learn
different
Change the article
a different
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the technology
field
Add a comma
,field
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
 are working now and they do not know new tools and
technique
Fix the agreement mistake
techniques
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
those
people
Use synonyms
 try to
work
Use synonyms
 with young
people
Use synonyms
 more . In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation is more important
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
 of them old and young
people
Use synonyms
 . In conclusion , giving opportunities for young
people
Use synonyms
 to be leaders or directors may bring positive
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 for companies because their modern
ideas
Use synonyms
 and techniques are very important for business .

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strategic foresight
  • emotional intelligence
  • demographics
  • innovative
  • mentorship
  • collaboration
  • adaptability
  • networking
  • holistic approach
  • intergenerational
  • visionary
  • inspire
  • progressive
  • technological acumen
  • agility
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