IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people think that zoos are not good enough for animals and they should be improved or animals must go to natural life. What is your opinion ?

#people #zoos #animals #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Well,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 guess most people believe that for
animals
Use synonyms
 the best environment is natural
life
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
zoos
Use synonyms
 ,
moreover
Linking Words
 there is no good opportunity for them in cages. Well, if we want to keep
animals
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoo
Use synonyms
,
first
Linking Words
 of all ,it is necessary to improve the quality of the
zoo
Use synonyms
 and feed the
animals
Use synonyms
 on time .It is necessary to pay more attention to the size , convenience ,
quality
Correct word choice
and quality
show examples
 of inspection of
zoos
Use synonyms
 .
Animals
Use synonyms
 need a natural environment in order for them to behave freely in the
zoo
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
 ,birds should be kept in larger and higher places and predators should be kept in larger places ,adapted to their size .
Second
Linking Words
 of all ,
instead
Linking Words
 of
devoloping
Correct your spelling
developing
zoos
Use synonyms
,
animals
Use synonyms
 should be set free . Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they were born in
wild
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 .They are savage
animals
Use synonyms
 that's why they should not be kept in captivity .And again
animals
Use synonyms
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the
zoo
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 much weaker than
animals
Use synonyms
 in the wild. If they are released
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
wild
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 . They cannot get used to the
wild
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
life
Use synonyms
may
Correct word choice
and may
show examples
 even die. Well , my conclusion is that either
Use synonyms
animals
Change to a singular noun
animal
show examples
 should be brought to special modern
zoos
Use synonyms
 for people to enjoy and
fun
Add a missing verb
have fun
show examples
 or
animals
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to feed and live freely in their own space .
Submitted by jefnesbit on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: