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Band 3.5

Many people think that zoos are not good enough for animals and they should be improved or animals must go to natural life. What is your opinion ?

#people #zoos #animals #life
Well,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 guess most people believe that for
animals
 the best environment is natural
life
instead
 of
zoos
 ,
moreover
 there is no good opportunity for them in cages. Well, if we want to keep
animals
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoo
,
first
 of all ,it is necessary to improve the quality of the
zoo
 and feed the
animals
 on time .It is necessary to pay more attention to the size , convenience ,
quality
Correct word choice
and quality
show examples
 of inspection of
zoos
 .
Animals
 need a natural environment in order for them to behave freely in the
zoo
 .
For example
 ,birds should be kept in larger and higher places and predators should be kept in larger places ,adapted to their size .
Second
 of all ,
instead
 of
devoloping
Correct your spelling
developing
zoos
,
animals
 should be set free . Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they were born in
wild
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
life
 .They are savage
animals
 that's why they should not be kept in captivity .And again
animals
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the
zoo
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 much weaker than
animals
 in the wild. If they are released
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
wild
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
life
 . They cannot get used to the
wild
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
life
may
Correct word choice
and may
show examples
 even die. Well , my conclusion is that either
animals
Change to a singular noun
animal
show examples
 should be brought to special modern
zoos
 for people to enjoy and
fun
Add a missing verb
have fun
show examples
 or
animals
 should be allowed to feed and live freely in their own space .
Submitted by jefnesbit on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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