IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools . others, however, believe taht boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #boys #girls #schools #taht #benefit
Rest
 is an important human need. It assembles energy for the
next
 work. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no people, who have not ever gotten a
rest
, but there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 many
mays
Correct your spelling
ways
show examples
 how to relax. I summarized any information
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
teenagers
 relax after a busy day in Zetland
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the graph. As we can see, we are able to notice 2 ways to relax, that
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 voted by the
teenagers
. 38% of voted at their
rest
 do any hobbies. 31% of
voted
Replace the word
voters
show examples
 spend their
time
 with friends.
Minority
Add an article
A minority
The minority
show examples
 of voted prefer to eat tasty food to relax (6%). Walking in the open air (10%) collected 3 times
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 votes
from
Change preposition
than
show examples
 spending
time
 with friends (31%). I think
explanation
Add an article
the explanation
an explanation
show examples
 is easy:
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
teenagers
 like
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
spending
time
 with friends
that
Correct quantifier usage
more that
show examples
 spending
time
 alone.
Also
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
graph
Add a comma
,graph
show examples
 we can notice that there are more
teenagers
 doing
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
 (38%) in their
rest
time
 than
teenagers
 that prefer to sleep (15%). Many
teenagers
 are interested in their development, they have to spend their
rest
time
 on something important and significant. Others prefer only to sleep, wasting
time
. Majority of
teenagers
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
 in their development, but some are not. If you want to sleep so much, you have to give your body
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to take a break. But if you sleep a lot, you will lose
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
time
. You need to set an alarm for the
time
 you need to not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
oversleep. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I would like to say that
rest
 is an important human need. It assembles energy for the
next
 work. I think that having
hobby
Add an article
a hobby
show examples
 is the best way to relax. You will get pleasure and benefit.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: