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Band 4.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the numbers of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #numbers #people #situation
The current situation
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
job
 market is a source of
concerns
Fix the agreement mistake
concern
show examples
 for many experts. On the one hand, the number of employees suffering from various mental illnesses due to extremely long working hours are rapidly growing.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 many
graduates
 are not able to start their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
This
 essay will try to explore the factors why many
graduates
 are
strugling
Correct your spelling
struggling
 to find their
first
job
.
Firstly
, it is a
challening
Correct your spelling
challenging
 task in itself to choose a profession that will always be in high demand in a constantly changing economy. Often
people
 choose either what they like or what is popular.
For example
, in my home country degrees in economics and law
attact
Correct your spelling
attract
 the highest number of applications each year. At the same time, the
graduates
 of these programs are not always able to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job
 matching their
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
.
This
 happens due to the fact that the popularity
these
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of these
show examples
 programs
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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and the demand for
such
 specialists on the market
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not in direct correlation.
Then
, constant technological progress and automatisation make a lot of jobs obsolete.
This
 leads to a situation in which society needs
less
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fewer
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people
 employed, and recent
graduates
is
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are
show examples
 the most vulnerable category due to these changes. It is a challenging task to find a solution
for
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to
show examples
 these problems. Various options are being proposed. In my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 the proposals around universal basic income programs have the highest potential. They could work towards decreasing the pressure put on
people
 to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
This
 creates an opportunity for more part-time vacancies for
graduates
 entering the market. They could
also
 have a side benefit, and allow
people
 to have more time for their interests beyond their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by j8d3 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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