IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #activities #children’s #development #computer #games
With the development of computers, there is a discussion of how long children should play with them. And because of fewer parents monitoring, children often do not have the self-control to play with them.
As a result
, the crowds have different views about the idea that there should be more outside games as opposed to the thought that they can play pc plays. I totally agree with the idea, pupils should play more outdoor activities than computer matches. There are several reasons why I think kids should have more outside movements.
First
, playing with others can help them learn how the corporation works, how to communicate with each other, and other social skills.
For example
, many sports, like soccer and basketball, require teamwork, leadership, and solidarity.
Second
, sports can let them have a healthy body. It is important for the pupils to accept enough natural light to grow strong eyesight.
Finally
, kids can explore the world and find out their aims or directions.
For instance
, they can find what interests them the most and develop curiosity. And there are
also
 some disadvantages to playing computer games. On the one hand, even though some matches require more than one player, communications are optional tasks. And most people play it alone
instead
 of playing with a group. In the long run,
this
 situation will cause loneliness, leading to other mental illnesses.
On the other hand
, as we all know, a long time playing with PCs can cause many physical problems,
such
 as nearsightedness and spine problems. Not only that, there are some other problems with the plays online, like monitor lakeness and violent issues. In conclusion, I think that outdoor activities have more advantages than playing PC games for kids.
Submitted by jiang.xintong.1997.10.23 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: